The Good Wife (CBS, 9 p.m.): Tonight on The Good Wife…well, after last week we really have no place predicting what might happen on this show. All Sonia Saraiya knows is, she’ll be deeply disappointed if she doesn’t get some steely-jawed women suppressing tears while staring out their corner office windows and/or sad tequila shots.
The Walking Dead (AMC, 9 p.m.): It’s a testament to the power of a seismic television event that The Good Wife knocked The Walking Dead’s fourth season finale from the Top Pick spot. But The Walking Dead’s fourth season finale is indeed upon us. All we know is, this episode is called “A,” which probably calls for some kind of Pretty Little Liars joke, but we’re pretty sure Zack Handlen would have our head for such a thing.
American Dad (FOX, 7:30 p.m.): Stan takes a pill and becomes a “woman.” We don’t know what the episode summary’s quotes around the word “woman” are all about—and frankly, they make us nervous—but we trust that Kevin MacFarland will get to the bottom of it.
WAIT, ISN’T GAME OF THRONES PREMIERING THIS WEEK?
ARE YOU SURE?
WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF?
Don’t you mean, “why are we talking to ourselves?”
We don’t know anymore. The “What’s on Tonight?” perspective game is a deeply confusing one and we gave up trying to win it long ago. What we’re trying to say is, Game Of Thrones comes back next week.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Doctor Who (11 a.m.): One of this week’s classic episodes is in real time, as Doctor and Martha Jones only have “42” minutes to save a spaceship from exploding. It’s kinda like 24, if Jack Bauer were an alien and America was a spaceship. Alasdair Wilkins can probably explain it better.
The Simpsons (Classic): Erik Adams looks back at The Simpsons looking back at 138 episodes of The Simpsons. That sounded a whole lot more complicated than we meant it to, so let’s try this again: The Simpsons did a fake clip show and Erik Adams has some thoughts.
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
Call the Midwife/Mr. Selfridge (PBS, 8 p.m./9 p.m.): These shows we definitely thought were miniseries have chugged along right under our noses to a third and second season, respectively. So let’s all have some wine, call our midwives, and read Will Harris’ Random Roles feature with Mr. Selfridge (alias: “Jeremy Piven”). It’ll be grand!
Bar Rescue (Spike, 9 p.m.): Tonight’s episode features a sports bar, Maria Menounos, and Adam Carolla. It’ll be something!
The Heat (HBO, 9 p.m.): Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock as female buddy cops inspires a lot of fuzzy feminist feelings for us, but at the end of the day, we really just want to get drunk with them.
National Treasure: Book of Secrets (TNT, 8 p.m.): We here at What’s on Tonight? appreciate a campy premise more than most, but we don’t know what to do with ourselves now that we know the National Treasure sequel is all about the missing page of John Wilkes Booth’s diary. Now we can never watch this movie! What if it doesn’t include Nic Cage opening a musty book, choking on dust, and rasping out the sentence, “Dear Diary, it’s me, John Wilkes Booth”?!
NCAA Basketball Tournament: Elite 8 (CBS, 2:20 p.m.): We won’t lie to you—we are thrilled we missed the deadline to fill out the collective heart attack that is this year’s March Madness bracket. Which reminds us:
MLB Baseball: Dodgers at Padres (5 p.m.): Is it baseball season yet?
TOMORROW ON TV CLUB
The second season of Inside Amy Schumer is premiering on April 1st and Ryan McGee calls it “superb.” We’re writing ourselves a note to watch it, and also to use the word “superb” approximately a hundred times more than we currently do.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Enlisted (Friday): Our malevolent Fox overlords have seen fit to yank Enlisted from its schedule for the foreseeable future. Mourn the loss of Chris Lowell’s weekly snark with us over at Les Chappell’s latest review, won’t you?