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Why I Don't Watch American Idol

Want to know why I don't watch American Idol? Here you go:

I don't know why, but I just bought three Fords. What's weird is that commercial is exactly what I picture whenever I think about what American Idol must be like: camera siezures, the Who Wants To Be a Millionaire stage, extreme general discomfort, and some guy sing-stomping to give the impression of energy. Also Fords, and sometimes Coca-Cola. Anyway, proving that they truly have a window into the hearts, and a thermometer in the loins of women everywhere, People magazine named that sing-stomp Idol guy the Hottest Bachelor, in their latest issue. His first order of business as No.1 Hottest Bachelor? Posting a Missed Connection, not on Craigslist, but in the pages of People magazine:
Taylor locked eyes with a tall, beautiful blonde on a recent flight. "We waved and did a double take look," he says. Had there been time to make a real connection, "I would probably fall in love."
If you are Taylor's mystery woman, send your picture and the flight details to taylorsmisconnect@peoplemag.com We'll get your message to him.
I've been emailing all day (subject line: "Meant 2 B") and haven't heard back yet. I suggest you do the same.