Will Smith Will Save Us All

Will Smith Will Save Us All

In these uncertain times, we need someone strong and sure to give us the hope and faith to guide us through our darkest moments–and if he has a super mysterious past, all the better. If we were a blind pianist who bears a striking resemblance to Woody Harrelson, he'd creepily stalk us, yes, but then help us see. If we were a lonely woman with a heart condition, he'd be really weird and evasive, but eventually he'd romance us, emotionally mending our heart (which is still physically weak, but whatever, it's a beautiful gesture). And if we were Tom Cruise with a son who wanted a summer job, this man, this savior, would put our son in his big Christmas movie because he's Will Smith and what's a few casting decisions between friends?



So Will Smith did something mysteriously awful and now he's going to change these people's lives in order to atone? It's like Oprah's Big Give but with Will Smith instead of Oprah and also movie! Unfortunately, though, I think the change that Will Smith promises here can only come in one of three forms: 1. Money, 2. Murder, 3. His organs. Considering the way that Woody Harrelson is hobbling around in this trailer, feeling for his Oscar statuette, I think it's the last one.

So, Rosario gets Will's heart, Woody gets Will's eyes, and Conor Cruise gets Will's gallbladder (that's where he stores his generosity). That leaves four more organs for conflicted savior Will Smith to hand out in this movie. Maybe he could give his grin to his son Jayden Smith (excellent in the role of Boy Without A Smile), his very charismatic pancreas to his daughter Willow Smith (very moving in the role of Adorable Moppet Who, Sadly, Has A Terrible Pancreas), and one kidney full of prestige each to Katie Holmes and Jada Pinkett Smith. It's all very inspiring. I can't wait for Christmas, when Will Smith hands over his schlock-filled lungs to us in the form of this movie.
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