A.V. Club Most Read

News Newswire Great Job, Internet!
TV Club All Reviews What's On Tonight
Video All Video A.V. Undercover A.V. Cocktail Club Film Club
Reviews All Reviews Film TV Music Books
Features All Features Newswire AVC Eats
Sections Film Tv Music Food Comedy Books Games Aux
Our Company About Us Contact Advertise Privacy Policy Careers RSS
Onion Inc. Sites The Onion The A.V. Club ClickHole Onion Studios
Get The Latest

You can't make copies of Lindsay Lohan's vagina, not even for $1 million

Mere days after finding a way to climb back atop the picture business then straddle it suggestively, Lindsay Lohan has been graced with another career-boosting million-dollar offer—this time to allow the masturbation aid artistes at FleshLight to sculpt a replica of Lohan’s super-special celebrity genitals, which are shaped like a trapezoid or something. Unfortunately, for fans hoping to have dispassionate sex with Lohan’s cold, numb vagina without first having to listen to her complain about people judging her, TMZ reports that sources close to the actress say she would never accept such an offer, having only agreed to do Playboy after being assured it would be “tasteful” in its depiction of, in Playboy’s words, Lohan’s “boobs, ass, and vag.” This, of course, brings to mind an old Winston Churchill quote: “Madam, we’ve already established what you are. Now we’re haggling about the price to make a latex copy of your vagina.”

Submit your Newswire tips here.