In news apparently important enough to make the top 20 results on the Google News “Entertainment” page, Taylor Swift has gotten a kitten and named it after a Law & Order: SVU character. “Meet Olivia Benson” read the caption on the photo Swift posted to Instagram. Everybody assumes this means Swift named the kitten after the character Mariska Hargitay plays on SVU, but we were wondering if perhaps she had changed her own name to Olivia Benson. We were unable to reach Swift for comment, so who knows, really?
Observe, though, the framing of this photograph. Clearly, it’s taken by a mysterious photographer, as Swift’s attention is focused entirely on the kitten, whom we’re going to call “Liv.” (Is that okay, Liv? It’s okay. Sure. Right. Cool. Liv.) Swift’s hand is raised casually, as if to brush her hair back and/or capture rainwater. The kitten is following her gesture, looking up at her like “What the hell?” but we all know Swift and Liv are going to get along just swimmingly when the time comes. Everything in this photo points away from conflict and toward unity. Liv looks up. Swift looks down. In the middle, there is understanding, a greeting between like souls. If we had Internet Film School’s Scott Eric Kaufman here, he could draw some laser eyes on this for us, and you’d see what we mean.
Also, did you know you can buy a tote bag with Taylor Swift’s other cat, Meredith, on it? Well, you absolutely can. For just $24.99. What a deal! UPDATE: We are reliably informed Meredith is named for Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy. So if Taylor Swift gets a third kitty, maybe she can name it Peggy Olson or Daenerys Targaryen or, our favorite, Felicity Smoak.
The kitten, at press time, was very cute. No news on how Meredith was adapting to the situation.
In honor of the Swift-Benson peace accords, Mr. Kenny Rogers and Ms. Dolly Parton are going to take us away, in a video that, confusingly, has a catchphrase from The X-Files at the start. Thank you all for hosting me in your playground this day and letting me report this important news that might have gone ignored otherwise. We’ll see you tomorrow.
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org