Big Money Rustlas (2010)
More Commentary Tracks Of The Damned
- Billy Crystal supplies the dad jokes in Parental Guidance’s mind-numbing commentary
- The commentary of Cougars, Inc. finds artfulness in a generic sex comedy
- The commentary track for The Coalition celebrates its own superficiality
- Paycheck’s commentary finds John Woo defending the film that stalled his Hollywood career
- The commentary for Alex Cross is just as numbingly generic as its film
- Filtering the Insane Clown Posse carnival-esque horrorcore aesthetic through the broad slapstick of Hee Haw
- Going overboard with wacky sound effects and kitschy C-list cameos
- Being so tacky that Ron Jeremy’s supporting turn classes up the joint
- Being self-consciously silly and ridiculous, yet still marking a vast improvement over its quasi-sequel, Big Money Hustlas
Defenders: Director/co-screenwriter Paul Andresen and costar Mark Jury on one track, and Insane Clown Posse stalwarts Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope on another
Tone of commentary: Affectionate, self-deprecating, intriguingly cryptic. Neither pair of commentators labored under the delusion that they were creating great art. Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J—who both speak in such a deep rasp that it’s difficult to tell them apart—lampoon the Western’s low-budget special effects, jokingly referring to them as the product of “George Lucas’ DreamWorks” and singling out the film’s many Grammy-worthy moments.
Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J embark on amusing digressions involving Big Money Hustlers bit player Tom Sizemore and his longtime girlfriend Heidi Fleiss, noting the cost Fleiss has paid for what they describe as her decades-long crystal-meth addiction. They agree she looked like a “human suckerfish” even on her best days. J goes even further: “If I were Tom Sizemore, I’d be like, ‘Fuck it. I’m Tom Sizemore. I was in Platoon. I don’t gotta get with nasty-ass Heidi Fleiss.’” [Editor’s note: Tom Sizemore is not in Platoon.]
When one of the Posse members notes that little-person porn star Bridget Powers has a “Snooki poof,” the following exchange occurs:
Shaggy 2 Dope: “What the fuck is a Snooki poof?”
Violent J: “You don’t know who Snooki is?”
Shaggy 2 Dope: [Sarcastically.] “Enlighten me.”
Violent J: “The Jersey Shore whore?”
Shaggy 2 Dope: “I don’t watch that shit.”
Violent J: “I got the DVD set.”
Shaggy 2 Dope: [Laughing.] “I know JWoww.”
Both sets of commentators are quick to point out in-jokes and cameos from members of the Psychopathic Records family. Andresen observes that a scene where a settler gushes while his wife leaves him for Shaggy 2 Dope was inspired by real events: He speaks with barely concealed disgust about “Juggalos throwing their girlfriends at Shaggy 2 Dope randomly [at the Gathering Of The Juggalos], knowing they were going to get boinked by him.” Juggalos at the Gathering also offered Andresen and Jury blowjobs, which they politely declined.
What went wrong: Andresen/Jury and Dope/J are all very happy with how Big Money Rustlas turned out, so they limit their griping to picking apart plot holes and gaffes. Shaggy 2 Dope admiringly points out shots of a horse’s penis retracting back into its body after urination and a close-up of a horse’s ass before sadly noting, “If I was the director, I would have had another close-up of the horse’s asshole perhaps.” Andresen only half-jokingly points out that a bit involving a gun was blown because the prop-master was probably high on crystal meth.
Comments on the cast: While recoiling at horror in a little-person actor’s bad teeth, Jury quips, “The password, kids, is methamphetamines.” Jury and Andresen note that Jason Mewes, who has publicly battled drug addiction, would “nod off” between takes, requested a stunt double (his request was denied), and made a point of pulling out his dick whenever the opportunity presented itself.
Andresen and Jury spend a lot of time discussing Shaggy 2 Dope’s “phobia” of little people and how that tormented him during his scenes with Powers, who was notorious on the set for her terrible breath and all-around feebleness. It’s never clear why the filmmakers would cast a little person as a love interest given Dope’s issues, especially considering Dope apparently begged not to have to kiss Powers. On a more conciliatory note, J acknowledges “I got to see [Powers’] titties [in one of her many porn films]. She’s got big titties for a little woman.”
J and Dope delineate which of the female cast-members they would enjoy making love to. They agree that they’d have sex with bit player Brigitte Nielsen just to say they had hit it. Dope says of the actress playing his mother, “I’d probably tap it. For an older broad, though, she’s got some nice titties.”
Shaggy 2 Dope tried to hook up with the actress who plays his non-little-person lover, albeit without success: He complains “I went out on a date with that broad. I was trying to holler at her, but she had a boyfriend.”
Just about every supporting player is hailed for their “improvision” abilities and ability to “freak” their roles. Both sets of commentators agree that Twiztid’s Monoxide Child and Jamie Madrox killed it with their “improvision.” J even hails the duo as a modern-day Tim Conway and Harvey Korman, and suggests they merit a cinematic vehicle of their own. Violent J is so convinced by Shaggy 2 Dope’s performance that Dope eventually reminds his longtime companion “You keep acting like that’s really me. I’m portraying a character in this movie.”
Inevitable dash of pretension: The opening credits were an homage to John Ford’s 1946 Western My Darling Clementine. Also, Andresen says of J’s introduction, “I wanted to fucking hold on fucking Violent J like they held on Robert Redford on that Sundance shit so we know he’s someone to be watching out for.”
Commentary in a nutshell: Dope: “The shit I fucking do for these fucking movies and shit is degrading myself.”