Drown out the thrumming of your own sickly body with Gwyneth Paltrow's carefully selected "summer jams"
As you can tell from the beads of condensation on your herbal anti-microbial-and-crushed-rosemary smoothie and the slight twinge of impatience in your gardener's voice as you give him your notes about the azaleas, it's summer, a time to throw on your comfiest, $90 T-shirt and let loose. And while actress and lifestyle messiah Gwyneth Paltrow typically prefers to unwind to the tremulous, dulcet tones of husband Chris Martin, in addition to the choral humming of her own perfectly tuned digestive system, summer is also a time to indulge in some "jams," ideal for throwing on during your next backyard barbecue while waiting for the eggplant and sage leaves to sear.
Paltrow recently shared just such a summertime playlist over at her pal Jay-Z's blog Life + Times (via Stereogum), and—not surprisingly—it's every bit as meticulously culled and curated as her wardrobe, diet, and fat cells, boasting hip, blog-approved acts like Frank Ocean, Deerhunter, Grimes, Neon Indian, and Hot Chip that have beats and melodies to distract you from shoveling bacon and cupcakes into your maw long enough to add a few more hours to your lives. And as a bonus, she even provides an explanation for why she's chosen each of them—such as "I'm into [Beach House] and its mellow dreamy beach music, thus their name"—so that no one thinks she simply had an assistant suggest current bands for her to mention, and then she took about 10 seconds to synthesize an opinion.
As befitting Paltrow's repeated insistence that she's quite fond of the aerobic benefits of rapping, her list also includes numerous hip-hop tracks, everything from Juicy J's "Who Da Neighbors" (the staff) to, in perhaps her most surprising choice, Chief Keef's "I Don't Like." Cautioning that the rising Chicago star's aggressive, threatening vibe isn't necessarily fit for pleasant company, Paltrow adds, "I'm waiting for a clean version to be released. Until then, I'll just play it in my car." Fortunately, we've taken the liberty of rewriting some cleaned-up lyrics for "I Don't Like," tailored to Paltrow's sensibilities; now Keef just has to record them in time for her next soiree.
Replica Egyptian cotton sheets—that's that shit I don't like.
Aromatherapy that relies too heavily on vanilla—that's that shit I don't like.
Heirloom tomatoes that weren't properly rinsed—that's that shit I don't like.
Pilates instructors who cancel an hour before our session—that's that shit I don't like.
Complex carbohydrates—that's that shit I don't like.
Shit that doesn't have the explicit seal of Gwyneth Paltrow's approval—that's that shit I don't like.