Let's all feign surprise that they're making a Rubik's Cube movie
Rubik’s Cube, the multicolored plastic puzzle block that has singularly sustained the GDP of Hungary ever since its invention in the 1970s, is the latest inanimate object of nostalgic affection to land its own movie deal, with the Creative Arts Agency reportedly talking to various producers about developing a film based on something, anything to do with this thing it just bought because everyone else was getting toys and pretty soon all the good toys were going to be gone.
So far the only known suggestion is “a film revolving around some sort of Rubik’s Cube competition,” which is just the sort of listless stab in the dark we would make if we, too, were screenwriter lackeys handed the dead weight of a Rubik’s Cube movie by our agency and forced to dream up some justification for a narrative. Either that, or the slow, unflinchingly naturalistic dissolution of a marriage—sort of a John Updike-esque kitchen-sink drama as seen from the point of view of a Rubik’s Cube gathering dust on a coffee table, ending with the couple’s infant child choking to death on one of the green cubelets it had accidentally pried loose while they argued. “It’s called Unsolvable,” we’d say. Then we would probably be fired.