Limp Bizkit cancels summer tour, cites insufficient "bananas" factor
If you were hoping to see the Limp Bizkit reunion tour this summer, then the person who's reading this article aloud to you is about to say something very upsetting: The rap-metal troubadours have canceled all their upcoming dates out of dissatisfaction with the venues they picked, which are apparently ill-suited for losing your shit in. “Basically, Limp is not an amphitheatre band,” Fred Durst, always the most visionary of Bizkits, mused in between aphorisms on his Twitter feed. “We like to see less seats in front of the stage and more floor filled with fans going bananas. It's just more fun for all of us that way. Some bands are meant to be seen mainly sitting down, but definitely not Limp Bizkit.”
He elaborated further on the band’s official website, saying they hoped to find venues that would allow for more “jumping, dancing, and moshing directly in front of the stage, instead of on a grassy knoll a hundred yards away,” while adding that they also hoped to find a setup where “those of you who want to sit down during our show,” abstain from such terpsichorean delights, and simply drink in the euphonious collusion of melody and yelling about breaking stuff could be sated as well. The band hopes to release its rerouted concert schedule soon.