More Commentary Tracks Of The Damned
- Billy Crystal supplies the dad jokes in Parental Guidance’s mind-numbing commentary
- The commentary of Cougars, Inc. finds artfulness in a generic sex comedy
- The commentary track for The Coalition celebrates its own superficiality
- Paycheck’s commentary finds John Woo defending the film that stalled his Hollywood career
- The commentary for Alex Cross is just as numbingly generic as its film
- Working a thick misogynist streak through a shrill romantic comedy about sitcom writer French Stewart and his prankster girlfriend Bridgette Wilson, who tortures him when he won't propose to her
- Trying to make a leading man of the scrunch-faced, plasticine Stewart, whose sole selling point is his stellar enunciation
- Being a movie about TV people written by and starring TV people, who seem to have made the jump to the big screen so they could swear with the zest and competence of third-graders
Stewart, Wilson, and writer-producer-director Jeff Franklin
Tone Of Commentary
Tit-focused. Early on, Franklin notes that Wilson is wearing a dress that shows no cleavage, which prompts Wilson to chuckle, "You made up for it the rest of the movie." Then Stewart is off to the races, saying "Bridgette Wilson's breasts: You couldn't have a better special effect," and "Bridge, you've got a 3D effect going here. We should've handed out glasses." Stewart teases Franklin: "You only gave one line of direction: 'Don't cross your arms, you'll cover up your breasts!'"
What Went Wrong
The movie's general lack of witevidenced by the dozens of times that Stewart's character refers to someone as a "spawn of Satan"is partly explained by Franklin's discussion of the problems inherent in "letting people into your business" and "seeing your ex go out with your buddy." Apparently Franklin wrote what he knew. And his cast sympathized. After a scene where an old lady swears, Stewart cracks, "It's like a monkey. It's just never not funny."
Comments On The Cast
When Kevin Farley shows up as a donut-eating cop, Franklin notes that the donut was Farley's "touch." Stewart assesses his own performance thusly: "It's a movie like, three months after it's finished, then you go, 'Didn't we have fun?' But in the middle of it, it's always like, 'My head hurts, I haven't slept, I want to cry and crawl under the table.'"
Inevitable Dash Of Pretension
Franklin: "There's a lit candle in every scene. We were very into candles."
Commentary In A Nutshell
The pure hilarity of Stewart, describing one day's shooting: "It was so cold my nipples removed themselves from my body and walked off into the sunset."