Movies based on Frisbee and Slip 'N' Slide to become our inevitable omega point
Having successfully sold triangles and diagonal lines to movie companies without anyone saying anything, ICM has upped the stakes on its recent Atari development deal by signing a similar agreement with toy company Wham-O, America’s chief source of fun plastic widgets. The agency will now seek to package products like the Frisbee, Hula Hoop, Super Ball, and Slip ’N’ Slide for “movies, television, music, and online content” using the power of imagination and also subplots about aliens, probably. While the existence of an unofficial Hula Hoop movie suggests that particular toy is more likely to form the basis of Willow Smith’s next single, here’s a guess at what we imagine some of the current loglines for future Wham-O films look like:
Super Ball: The Movie: A boy and/or man-child discovers a ball that bounces incredibly high and so he becomes a hero to his small town. Said town rallies behind him when an evil real estate developer threatens to build a skyscraper his ball can’t possibly clear. (Spoiler alert: It totally does.)
Frisbee Force: A boy and/or man-child discovers Frisbees are actually miniature spaceships piloted by aliens biding their time until they can take over the Earth or some shit.
The Silly String Cycle: A mostly dialogue-free series of increasingly disturbing vignettes in which the intangibility of life is explored through the use of Silly String, including shots of Silly String buildings that crumble when it rains, a fetus hanging from a Silly String umbilical cord that slowly becomes a noose, and a woman who can’t stop shooting Silly String out of her vagina. To be directed by Matthew Barney.
Slip ‘N’ Slide: Slippin’ And Slidin’: Kevin James etc.