The cast of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo seeking pay raise proportional to the awfulness it provides
Sensing the time is nigh for leveraging their relative worth into equitable compensation, the family of TLC's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has entered negotiations for a second season by seeking a pay raise to approximately $10,000 per episode—a figure that would more fairly reflect the ratings the show has contributed to the network, and a reward that would allow for the continued glorification of their own ignorance/purchase of pork-related products that make those contributions possible.
"Fart fart sugar butt fart fart," a representative for the family of 7-year-old beauty pageant contestant Alana "Honey Boo Boo Child" Thompson likely said in their opening remarks to a boardroom of giggling, enraptured TLC executives, outlining the strategy for increasing the cast's current $4,000-per-episode pay for entertaining the nation with their proudly "redneck" shenanigans, while simultaneously offering a reminder of the sort of indispensable entertainment they provide. According to The Hollywood Reporter, some sources believe the family will actually receive closer to $8,000 per episode, just as soon as Honey Boo Boo herself successfully closes negotiations by pointing to her 17-year-old sister's newly pregnant stomach and asking when she gonna poop all that poop in there. "YES, TAKE ALL THE MONEY YOU NEED. JUST KEEP DOING THAT," TLC execs are expected to respond.