Unnecessary Remakes: Red Dawn, Robocop
While the news from Cannes has been dominated by the clamor to be the first to "meh" all over Crystal Skull, the festival has also brought word of two far more damnable '80s relaunches: Red Dawn and Robocop, which MGM heads Harry Sloan and Mary Parent have confirmed are both candidates for remakes. John Milius' original Red Dawn focused on a group of Colorado teenagers battling invading Soviet and Cuban forces--troublesome for remake purposes, because the Soviet Union broke up years ago (or maybe that's what they wanted us to think?)--and while there aren't any concrete details yet, The Hollywood Reporter says, "MGM could be bringing back the Cold War," which hints that Red Dawn 2.0 could be a quaint period piece. But our more logical, cynical side says it will probably involve vaguely Middle Eastern terrorists enacting some leftover plotline from 24 before facing the wrath of Drake Bell and one or more cast members from Gossip Girl. And if we had to guess, we'd say the new Robocop will probably tone down all of Paul Verhoeven's acrid social satire in efforts to make it more like the new "kid-friendly" Terminator. I'd buy that for a dollar.