“We’re Golden” Or “Crooks And Big Beaver” S3 / E5
- B- Community Grade
As Lydia speeds through the streets with Ray handcuffed in the back seat of her police cruiser, one can only presume that the poor man’s life is flashing before his eyes. Not so much because she’s veering from lane to lane every time he opens his mouth in an effort to defend himself, although it was making me a little queasy just to watch, so I’m sure it had to have been at least a slightly disconcerting ride for the guy, but because he’s petrified that she’s going to deposit him at the police station. Clearly, my theory that this might’ve been some expansion of her original sexual fantasy was wholly inaccurate: She’s intent on making his sorry ass pay.
Fortunately, when Lydia stops and leaves him in the car for a bit, Ray manages to call Tanya, the process of which was a trifle slapstick but still funny, and convince her to do what she can to get him out of the mess he’s found himself in, but, alas, Tanya’s efforts to talk Lydia off the cliff fail miserably, mostly as a result of her dissatisfaction with the surprise-penis-switch-out situation. As a result, Lydia does indeed pull up outside the station, threatening Ray with introducing him to her jackass of a husband, who’s also a cop. Before she can make good on this threat, however, Ray gets a call on his cell phone from Damon.
You remember Damon, right? Ray’s son? Sorry, I just thought I should clarify, give how little we’ve seen of him and his twin sister Darby this season. Both kids finally got a decent bit of screen time this week, though, courtesy of the cringe-worthy moment when Dr. Matt swung by Jessica’s place to try and clear up some of the earlier post-coital awkwardness. It’s a thoughtful gesture, but things go to hell when Darby happens to hear Matt’s comments. (The look on Darby’s face when she learned that her mom had done the dirty deed with the doc was priceless. Painful, yes, but still priceless.) Upon Matt’s departure, Darby’s packing her bags and ready to skip off to Ray’s place… and that’s right about when Damon calls his dad.
As it turned out, despite Lydia’s desire to extract revenge on Ray, she doesn’t want it to be at the expense of his family, so she drives him over to Jessica’s place and gives him five minutes to fix whatever issues he has. Ray’s rapid-fire problem-solving with his kids is no doubt going to bite him in the ass eventually, but it was pretty funny to watch Darby’s complete “WTF?” expression about how her father was handling the situation. Not quite as funny, though, as Damon’s obsession with wanting to know where the hell his dad’s shoes were.
Once Ray made good on his promise to Lydia and returned to the squad car, things really started to get good, including a soundtrack that started with Smokey Robinson and soon bounced into a bit of Beth Thornley. Once again, Tanya managed to screw up a good situation, getting spotted in the rearview mirror just as Ray was making headway with Lydia. Great scene, though, with Tanya getting so nervous at Lydia’s whip-around that she drove onto the curb. I have to say, it was touch and go for me as for whether or not Lydia would indeed turn them in to the police, but once Lydia went in to talk to her husband, I knew she’d never actually tell him what was going on. The conclusion of the episode felt strangely schmaltzy, with Ray saving the day for himself and Tanya with a romp in the back of the squad car, but who am I to reject a relatively happy ending?
Oh, but there’s still one more thing we haven’t discussed: the scene with Lenore confronting Jason and Sandee, with Lenore yet again upping the bitch quotient by poking her finger into Jason’s bruised eye, then breaking their TV. She’s turned into a freaking mobster with the way she’s handling this situation. With the Lydia storyline now more or less concluded, I have to believe that Lenore’s going to be jumping back into the forefront sooner than later… and, personally, I can’t wait.
Random quotes and observations:
- “Do you think I’m blind? Do you think I’m retarded? I’m there thinking I’m gonna have sex with your penis and get another penis instead?”
- “Is that your ho?” I’m still loving the relationship between Charlie and Tanya, though it’s becoming increasingly clear that he’s tired of her ignoring his advice. His frustration over it is going to be coming to a head sooner than later, I’m guessing.
- “Oh, and by the way, your job? Perfectly intact.” Gee, thanks, Dr. Matt! Except, based on Jessica’ expression, it’s clear that it never occurred to her that it wouldn’t be.
- “Lydia, listen, I cannot go to jail: I’m a father. I’m a teacher. I’m a girls volleyball coach!”
- “Did that hurt?”
- “We’ve got to stick together. We’re Dreckers.” “Not Mom. She’s a Hackson.”
- “We’re all just women. Except for men, who aren’t women at all.”
- “Wanna fuck? It’s the least I can do.”
- And on that note, let's let Smokey take the mike...