Neil Diamond

You know that moment at your family reunion when some well-meaning jackass of a cousin (or your dad) brings out his guitar and gets everyone to sing along to “Sweet Caroline.” Now imagine a massive sports arena packed full of similarly well-meaning jackasses waiting patiently for that song, and for that sing-along, without a hint of irony. Imagine waiting through the Jewish Elvis’ oeuvre of stadium-ready hits, from “America” to “Song Sung Blue” to “Forever In Blue Jeans,” just to get to the end, when thousands of people hold hands and add an asinine bridge (“Ba-ba-ba!”) to an already asinine refrain (“Sweet Caroline! Good times never seemed so good!”) As jaded we may be, even we admit there’s something sweet about that imagined moment. Well, you can have that moment, and you can savor it. Especially the part about “touching me” and “touching you.” 

Updated 06/13/2012