We know your type. Beneath that hardened crust of cynicism lies the beating heart of a teenybopper. You can admit it. Why don’t you come join us as we get acquainted with the non-threatening heartthrobs of One Direction? We can rip pictures of them from magazines to hang in our lockers, argue over which one is the cutest (definitely Liam), and learn the words to all their songs. Stop fighting it—isn’t it fun to have a crush again? The music hardly even matters. We haven’t been this excited since the fabled Backstreet/Hanson wars tore playground alliances asunder in the late ’90s.