Are we having Fun Fun Fun yet?: How Danzig, The Cool Kids, et al. party according to their lyrics
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Sure, they call it “Fun Fun Fun,” but what do the artists playing this year’s festival really know about having a good time? To find out, The A.V. Club took a look at songs from nine random acts to get a feel for how they like to unwind. The results may surprise you (but odds are they won't).
The Cool Kids
What their lyrics say: “So I’m sitting on the couch holding the remote / Flipping channels, I’m a rebel / Eating a bowl of them Fruity Pebbles, Fruity Pebbles, Fruity Pebbles… I'm in the crib Saturday night with my Sega, that’s right / Playing a game of that Street Fighter, Street Fighter, Street Fighter” (from “A Little Bit Cooler”)
Their idea of fun: Being stuck in perpetual adolescence—it’s the new “gangsta!”
Partying with them will: Make you feel like you should really be do something more productive, like selling drugs or engaging in random gunplay.
Danzig
What their lyrics say: “I serve my perdition / In this private hell / A thousand angers / Have kept me alive / Carve a hole in your distorted soul / I'm here to bang it / Yeah” (from “Evil Thing”)
Their idea of fun: Fun? What is “fun” but an illusion dangled in front of you by some unseen tormentor, a cruel distraction glimpsed through maggot-curtain eyelids, taunting you with hollow laughter echoing from the belly of a swirling abyss? Still, every now and then we wouldn’t mind a bit of skull-fucking, we guess. Just to feel something.
Partying with them will: Show you what it’s like 'til you’re bleeding.
The Jesus Lizard
What their lyrics say: “Get her out, pow in the bush / Yeah, right in the kisser / Shove more bourbon down her mouth hole / Pow, smacked in the puss / Straight in the sucker / Plum in the kisser, busted her pie hole” (from “Puss”)
Their idea of fun: Courting the young ladies, making them smile, plying them with libations and sweet whispered nothings, and stealing a kiss before the moon is out. And then, when the sun’s rise collides with the corona of post-coital glow, punching them smack dab in the ol’ vagina. Hey, let’s do this again sometime.
Partying with them will: Make you want to call your mom.
Gorilla Biscuits
What their lyrics say: “I know he's such a fucking jerk / But jerks hurt too, and I'm not that cool that I can laugh / I see because it's happened to me / And I think I was an asshole when I said what I said / It's just a sick sense of humor rolls around in my head / ’Cause we've had our fun at your expense and that's wrong” (from “Things We Say”)
Their idea of fun: Crafting epically long diary entries about a two-minute conversation they had the other day with a guy they thought was their friend, but when they saw him he was drinking a beer with some guys who have been mean to them in the past, and when they said hello to him anyway, he said something in return that was slightly dismissive, and it really hurt but he didn’t seem to even notice or care, and now they don’t think they can be friends anymore, and it just makes them really, really upset, you know?
Partying with them will: Make you want to drink. A lot.
Youth Brigade
What their lyrics say: “Hangin' around, we've got nothing to do / Ain't got much money so we've little to lose / Having fun is all that counts / Today's here, tomorrow's always in doubt” (from “Boys In The Brigade”)
Their idea of fun: Throwing basement punk shows and talking about all the positive stuff they can do that will totally change the world, man!
Partying with them will: Inspire you to look into that tech support job your dad was telling you about.
MC Chris
What their lyrics say: “You could call me the cough medicine curmudgeon / Frankly, the feeling's fuckin' fantastic / I'm tripping like Jesus in the desert when he fasted / Like it's the night before we all get drafted / Like we're rowing through some rapids with Kevin Bacon, white water rafting / Like you're at Epcot Center on acid? Exactly.” (from “The Tussin”)
Their idea of fun: Getting high and talking about a very specific realm of pop culture, narrowly defined as “Shit I Saw On HBO Between 1984 And 1993.”
Partying with them will: Make you want to curl up with NPR and the latest issue of The Economist.
Melt Banana
What their lyrics say: “Spastic pull-up / Spicy pull-out / Nail up the crackhead / Rip up the egghead / Send up the brickbat to mad hepcat / Smash them up!” (from “Giggle On The Stretcher”)
Their idea of fun: Being Japanese.
Partying with them will: Confuse the hell out of you.
Coalesce
What their lyrics say: “Lock the doors, turn out the lights / The wolves are out tonight / Playing that shitty bass / So, you get your kicks using my daughter and my wife as target practice? / Well, how do you like that shaft straight up your ass? / And I'll damn you right in your tongue. You have used that grinning ‘No English’ crap for the last time on me.” (from “Counting Murders, Drinking Beers”)
Their idea of fun: Ripping a hole in this shitty, stupid world. With poetry.
Partying with them will: End with you being politely asked to leave if you’re just going to laugh like that.
Foot Patrol
What their lyrics say: “Tickle tickle tickle / Put your foot on my dick and make your toes wiggle … It makes me want to get down / In the sack / It just don’t get no better than that.” (from “Foot Party Anthem”)
Their idea of fun: Talking about feet—and that’s it.
Partying with them will: Kind of make you want to talk about something else. Like, say, fisting. Who’s up for a nice chat about fisting?
