Are you sad? Ask your iPhone
Dallas doctor's Sad Scale is the preferred app for amateur psychologists
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Sure, these days, nobody’s particularly happy: Our economy is so out of whack and people are so edgy that they’re indulging crazy talk from megalomaniacs, senseless killings are happening in even the quietest of suburbs, and everyone is literally holding their breath lest they wind up dead of swine flu. But how do you know if your feelings aren’t just the run-of-the-mill, “end of life as we know it” blues and something more along the lines of clinical depression? Lucky for you, as with so many things, an answer is but an iPhone app away.
Created by Dallas doctor Harvey Castro, Sad Scale is the first iPhone app created specifically to screen for depression (as opposed to say, Haus Of Gaga, which was specifically created to cause depression). Comprised of three separate tests—one for the general population, one for post-partum mothers, and one for geriatrics—Sad Scale provides a series of statements like, “I have been so unhappy that I have been crying” and asks users to rate their agreement with them on a scale ranging from “Yes, most of the time” to “No, never.” Once your scores have been tallied, it plots them on a sadness graph so you can have visual representation of just how fucked up you are, then gives you the option of emailing your answers to your doctor, OB/Gyn, or maybe even your ex-girlfriend so she can realize how deeply she hurt you and then come running to take you back.
Reviews on the iTunes App Store have so far been positive, with one user crowing about how “as a man, it helps me privately gauge my depression level” (Because men don’t like talking about their feelings! They also enjoy sports!), and praising the ease with which Sad Scale allows him to efficiently probe and track his own child’s emotions, which is way easier than talking to them regularly. Those who have similarly broody broods will be happy (?) to know that a specific Child Depression Test update is imminent. So put down the iBeer (it's a depressant) and check it out—unless you don’t have an iPhone, in which case: What’s wrong with you? Why are you such a constant disappointment to everyone?
