Artificial livers are coming! (Keep drinking.)
Science finally does something cool
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In news that's sure to give hope to anyone who counts themselves among the aging Red River set, scientists are set to begin testing on the world's first artificial liver. The so-called "extracorporeal liver assist device" (or ELAD, if you're into the whole brevity thing) is a 4-inch plastic disk that contains "immortalized" lab-cultured human liver cells, which are grown in sinister vats somewhere deep in the bowels of California. Once installed, these devices use living cells grown from cancerous liver tumors to filter poisons out of the blood, allowing the user to go right on pounding vodka tonics—or, more likely, waiting for transplant.
Despite their $30K pricetag, expect these to become must-have accessories for every well-off, hard-drinking oldster. But such glibness aside, this is a significant development for central Texans with chronic liver problems, and if it passes FDA trials this month, the device could potentially extend the lives of thousands. Let that serve as a grim warning to the partying masses when all the free booze starts flowing during SXSW: Liver failure is real, and it could be coming for you if you don't learn to pace yourself. But hey, for all you high-schoolers who are just getting started, don't sweat it! By the time you're a broken 30-year-old, synthetic robot livers will be as common as tattoos. The future is gonna be awesome!
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