Off that: 25 things Jay-Z couldn't care less about
What's in that dirt off his shoulders, anyway?
For someone with as many supposed enemies as Jay-Z (who plays the Frank Erwin Center tomorrow), he’s a surprisingly apathetic dude. Some other rappers spend their entire careers taking potshots at rivals and complaining about “haters,” but the man they call Hova mostly just floats above it all, secure in the knowledge that his wealth and fame affords him a sort of regal superiority that means he doesn’t have to get his hands dirty. And while everyone knows that a bitch isn’t one of Jay-Z’s 99 problems, judging from his lyrics, there isn't much else keeping him up at night either. In fact, here are 25 things that Jay-Z isn't concerned about in the slightest.
1. Spending conservatively. “Hundred thou' for the bracelet / foolish, ain't I?” (“Money Ain’t A Thang”); “You gotta pop that styles, rock that watch dial / See that Benz? Cop that now / Drop that top down, they gon' kill us anyway / Them cops uptown hit holmes with 41 rounds / Live yo' life, get yo' ice” (“Watch Me”); “Jay-Z be popping tags / Leaving the mall with heavy bags / You know the boy got a love for the cash / Aw fuck, there he go again” (“Poppin’ Tags”)
2. The murky morality of the diamond trade. “From the first time I put you ’round my neck and locked ya / it was then I knew everywhere I went you'd follow / Soon I spent every dolla, you became my habit / Other brothers’ vice was smoke, mines was carats” (“Girl’s Best Friend”)
3. Adopting a style of dress commensurate with his earnings and social status. “So I'm cruisin’ in the car with this boozy broad / She said, ‘Jigga-Man you rich, take the doo-rag off’ / Hit a U-turn / Ma, I'm droppin’ you back off / Front of the club, ‘Jigga why you do that for?’ / Thug nigga til the end, tell a friend, bitch / Won't change for no paper, plus I been rich” (“So Ghetto”)
4. Taking on status symbols associated with success in the hip-hop world. “Y’all steady chasing the fame, we off that / Oversize clothes and the chains, we off that / Niggas still makin' it rain and we off that” (“Off That”)
5. Maintaining his “street cred.” “The life and times of a demonic mind, excited with crime / And the lavish luxuries that just excited my mind / I figured, 'Shit why risk myself, I just write it in rhymes / And let you feel me, and if you don't like it then fine'” (“Streets Is Watching”)
6. The fact that his newfound wealth makes him a target for criminals. “I expected to hear, ‘Jay, if it wasn't for you’ / But instead, all I hear is buzzin’ in your crew / How y'all schemin’, tryin’ to get accustomed to my moves / So y'all could tape my mouth, stake out my house / But I got pride, I'm a nigga first / I gotta cock back and pull the trigger first / That's how Jigga work” (“Come And Get Me”)
7. Opening himself up to fans. “I answer all your questions but then y'all got to go / Now the question I ask you is how bad you want to know? BLAOW!” (“A Million And One Questions”)
8. Helping admirers out with their own rap careers, particularly when there are ladies to hit on. “I know you rap and your sister spit too / You been callin’ the office and you can't get through / I understand all that, but now ain't the time / I came to the club to get that off my mind” (“2 Many Hoes”)
9. Signs of proper breeding and comportment in a member of the opposite sex. “I love bitches, thug bitches, shy bitches / Rough bitches, don't matter you my bitches / Gold diggers witcha eyes on my riches / Can't knock your hustle for real, exotic bitches” (“Who You Wit II”)
10. Respecting the boundaries of other people’s relationships. “Her man kept pagin’, stressin’ her / So I told her what to say just in case he question her / ‘Situations will arise, but you gotta be smart about it / No matter what you do, don't talk about us / Don't give him no info, he'll be lost without it / Just keep your mouth shut, we could do this again / Bring a friend!’” (“Fuck All Nite”)
11. The institution of marriage (pre-Beyoncé). “Just because you got good head, I'm-a break bread / So you can be livin’ it up? / Shit, I parts with nothin’, y'all be frontin’ / Me give my heart to a woman? / Not for nothin’, never happen / I'll be forever mackin’” (“Big Pimpin’”)
12. The benefits of a proper education. “You know that motherfuckin’ stoop raised me / Ringin’ in da hoops but I was too lazy / School made me sick, teachers said I was too crazy / Low and behold, it's the new and improved Jay-Z” (“Things That U Do")
13. Regulations regarding probable cause. “Well, my glove compartment is locked so is the trunk and the back / And I know my rights, so you gon' need a warrant for that” (“99 Problems”)
14. Lawsuits. “I got great lawyers for cops so dress warm / Charges don't stick to dude, he's Teflon” (“The Ruler’s Back”)
15. Taking stands on issues that actually matter, instead of controversies that never existed until he brought them up. “Fuck Cristal, so they ask me what we drinking / I thought dude’s remark was rude, okay? / So I moved on to Dom, Krug Rosé / And it's much bigger issues in the world, I know / But I first had to take care of the world I know” (“Kingdom Come”)
16. Writing the clever, socially conscious lyrics he knows he’s capable of. “I dumb down for my audience / And double my dollars / They criticize me for it / Yet they all yell ‘Holla’” (“Moment Of Clarity”); “This is that ignorant shit you like / Nigga, fuck, shit, ass, bitch, trick, plus ice” (“Ignorant Shit”)
17. His critical perception, particularly in light of his commercial popularity. “I'm like, fuck critics, you can kiss my whole asshole / If you don't like my lyrics, you can press fast forward” (“99 Problems”); “I read a article that said I was ruinin’ shit / But every time I look, I'm movin’ units in quick” (“The City Is Mine”)
18. Making pop-culture references that, were they made by anyone else, would be considered really lame. “Gotta tie the back of her head like Deuce Bigalow” (“Girls Girls Girls”); “I'm too sexy for jail like I'm Right Said Fred” (“The Ruler’s Back”)
19. That referring to his friendship with the singer of Coldplay and his actress/lifestyle guru wife would in any way negate the “thug” bluster of the rest of his songs. “When your friends is Chris and Gwyneth” (“Hollywood”)
20. Having exact change. “We don't stop at the tolls / We got EZ passes, nigga” (“Reservoir Dogs”)
21. Social networking sites. “I don't surf the net / No, I never been on MySpace / Too busy letting my voice vibrate / Carving out my space” (“Beach Chair”)
22. Islamic extremists. “Rumor has it The Blueprint classic / Couldn't even be stopped by Bin Laden” (“The Bounce”)
23. Playing the race card. “Old lady, don't blow my high / Especially if you don't know my life / Don't make me bring Sharpton in it cause I'm dark-skinned-ed / Or dude with the 'fro and the Rainbow Coalition” (“Diamond Is Forever”)
24. People who reduce his lyrics into easy talking points, perhaps to throw together a “listicle”-type article. “Motherfuckers say that I'm foolish / I only talk about jewels (bling bling) / Do you fools listen to music, or do you just skim through it?” (“Renegade”)
25. Modesty. Every Jay-Z song ever.
