"Pills?!": Staged By The Bell launches this weekend
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The hubristic tragedies of Aeschylus. The analogy-laden fables of Aesop and the Brothers Grimm. The pessimistic appraisals of human nature assayed by Flannery O’Connor. Those are all well and good for old people, but as cautionary tales for today’s generation, they can’t hold a candle to Saved By The Bell, Saturday morning’s boldest morality play. Through the trials endured by the kids of Bayside High, American children learned many lessons—about how talent is nice, but it’s your spirit that wins the Casey Kasem dance contest; how Christmas isn’t about presents or even Jesus, but trying to bang a homeless girl; how it’s important to avoid movie stars, because they’ll inevitably try to hand you a joint. But of course, the most valuable lesson ever imparted by Saved By The Bell is this: Never, ever take caffeine pills, because they will turn you into a fucking lunatic.
The show’s most infamous episode, “Jessie’s Song,” finds brainy overachiever Jessie Spano struggling with the pressures of both acing her midterms (because otherwise she’ll never make it to Stanford) and making a video with her new singing group, Hot Sundae. Unfortunately, Jessie doesn’t heed the advice of her band’s own hit, “Go For It,” and rather than putting her mind to it, going for it, getting down, and breaking a sweat—and after ignoring Slater’s admonitions—she resorts to taking caffeine pills to keep her energy up. Of course, Jessie can’t handle her juice, culminating in one of the most harrowing mental breakdowns ever committed to video.
While endless YouTube remixes have distilled the visceral impact of Spano’s sorrow over the years, local improv group The Institution Theatre plans to reopen your eyes to the dangers of sleep deprivation with Staged By The Bell, its live recreation of “Jessie’s Song” happening every Sunday from this weekend through Aug. 23. Each staging will also be preceded by a live performance of The Game Show, where audience members can take home prizes from local merchants—but you’ll never take home anything as valuable as this lesson: At first, caffeine abuse might make you so excited. But do it enough, and all you’ll be is scared. So, so scared.
