Torchy's "drive by" press release hits new publicity stunt low
Shuggie's Burgers And Fries victim of gross attention-grab
Hot Stuff, none too happy about getting roped into this mess.
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A certain irreverence is expected from the proprietors of Torchy's Tacos: After all, the Tex-Mex trailer's mascot is a cartoon devil (one that bears an uncanny resemblance to Harvey Comics' Hot Stuff) who flies under under the banner "Damn good." But this "devil-may-care" attitude (sorry) has obviously adversely affected someone's sense of humor within the Torchy's organization, because a mere two weeks after it announced that its sister trailer Shuggie's would offer a free burger and fries to anyone willing to Moonwalk over the fresh graves of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, the upcoming permanent shuttering of Shuggie's was announced via a bizarre press release detailing fictional owner Shuggie's slaying at the hands of "drive-by" killers Ronald McDonald and Jack (of "In The Box" fame). The press release is too fucked-up not to reprint in full, so here it is, in all its "conflating eating at McDonald's with participating in a gruesome hit-and-run homicide" glory:
Sometime in the early morning hours of Friday July 10 tragedy struck another local favorite at the South Austin Trailer Park. Torchy was shocked this morning to find his cousin Shuggie dead of suspected drive by's using national chains run by rivals Jack & Ronald. A witness heard some pops and loud giggles and watched an AMC Pacer trying to speed away from the scene. "It sounded like fireworks and then, uh... there was this strange laugh like Mike Tyson meets Dr Evil. The driver seemed to be a giant ping-pong ball with a pointy yellow hat and the shooter had a white & red striped arm with a yellow glove". Small businesses throughout Austin are investigating why any resident would 'drive by' a local business to support these chain gangs.
"Participating in drive by's during this financial pinch, there may not be any local businesses left when this recession ends and life resumes" says Torchy, Shuggie's cousin. " It's a shame to see a good business die like this, it sucks. Shuggie was a good person and I'll miss him... or her, we were never really sure."
During Shuggies short life, it helped support many charities and most recently grieved Hollywood losses by giving away burgers & fries... a controversial move Shuggie stood behind. Shuggie was also in love with and loved (mostly) by Austin's own Yelp community.
Shuggie is survived by his cousin Torchy of Torchy's Tacos and the good, hard working friends he made while there. The Family invites the public out this weekend for Shuggie's 'Last Brunch' and Sunday for a makeshift memorial before shutting down his trailer for good. Shuggie fans have already started placing flowers, candles, and gifts honoring the noble and brave attempt of serving another great burger out of a hot trailer to the hungry folks of Austin.
In lieu of donations, Shuggie's Family asks that you discontinue 'driving by' local burger favorites - Help Austin local businesses survive and go to some of our favorites like P. Terry's, Hat Creek Burger Co., and Sandy's. Shuggies family is accepting donations of canned foods at the trailer park to benefit The Capitol [sic] Area Food Bank, one of Shuggies favorite local charities.
Not to split hairs, but wouldn't "driving by" a national chain involve not going to the restaurant and ordering food? Either way, they've obviously gotten exactly what they wanted out of us with this, and shameless as it is, the call-to-action at the end of the release is actually a decent suggestion: P. Terry's, Hat Creek, and Sandy's will definitely get the taste of Torchy's publicity stunts out of your mouth.
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