4 reasons to hate the Atlanta Falcons
James Emery
Aren't you incensed just looking at this? No? Then read on.
Rivalries are a huge part of football, but when your team is playing another that it's only butted heads with intermittently, it can be hard to muster the necessary unwavering loyalty and festering hatred. Take, for instance, tonight's matchup between the Bears and the Atlanta Falcons. The two teams have met a total of 23 times since the Falcons entered the league in 1965; meanwhile, the Bears have played the Vikings and the Packers that many times since Wilco released Being There. We hate those teams because we've had plenty of time to stoke the flames of resentment. But just because we haven't had as many opportunities to develop a genuine mad-on for the Falcons doesn't mean we should watch tonight's game dispassionately. To help get you cheering not only for the Bears to win, but also for Matt Ryan, Michael Turner, and Roddy White to walk off the field after each series looking as scared as a dog passing Michael Vick's house (see #3), The A.V. Club offers a handy crib sheet of reasons both valid and petty to root against the Falcons.
1. Revenge for last year's heart-stopping loss
No game from the Bears' 2008 campaign was more deflating than the week 6 contest against the Falcons. Despite a valiant rushing effort from Matt Forte, an impressive six catches for a still-green Devin Hester, and some unlikely late-game heroics from then-quarterback Kyle Orton, the defense was seemingly determined to cough up a loss here. It was like they never saw a third-and-long they didn't want to see the Falcons convert, and the offense had still managed to eke out a 71-yard touchdown drive to snag a one-point lead with 11 seconds left on the clock. It should have been another heart-attack inducing win, but instead the Falcons offense got the ball back with six seconds to go after the kickoff return. Determined to blow the game, the defense gave up a deep sideline pass, which allowed the Falcons to score a game-winning field goal in the game's very last second. Rookie quarterback Matt Ryan had his first 300-yard passing game, and Bears fans everywhere were left to acknowledge that the season was going to suck—which it did. Now we're a year older and wiser, on a three-game winning streak, with a quarterback (Jay Cutler) who actually leads us to comeback wins in the fourth quarter. We are bright-eyed and full of hope, and that means we also have a thirst for revenge.
2. 16 Seasons of Brett Favre
While Bears and Packers fans are united these days in their mutual hatred of Brett Favre, we had to face down that motherfucker for 16 yellow-and-green-clad seasons as he tore up bad '90s Bears teams. But while the dopey Wrangler jeans spokesman's career won't come to its end in Green Bay, it didn't start there, either: He entered the league way back in 1991 as a second-round draft pick of the Falcons. Apparently their coach, Jerry Glanville, had been in the bathroom or something when it was time for them to pick, and he hated the guy so much that he declared the only way Favre would see the field was if now-forgotten starter Chris Miller died in a plane crash. Miller didn't, and they shipped Favre up to Green Bay the following summer. He then proceeded to beat the Bears in 20 of 24 games, from 1992 to 2003, and only stopped being scary when Lovie Smith came to Chicago as head coach. Since then, our record against the guy is a downright cuddly 6-2, but whatever weirdness occurred in the Falcons' front office in 1991 led to a pretty dismal 1990s for the Bears.
3. Countless dead pit bulls
Michael Vick may have done his time and may have a place in today's NFL, but there's a lot of reason to believe he'd never have had the resources to open his Bad Newz Kennels without the zillions paid to him by the Falcons. Bankrolling an operation that involves breeding and executing fighting dogs takes bank, and the Falcons were all too happy to provide it to the former No. 1 overall draft pick. Yeah, it's probably true that any other team in the league would have drafted Vick, and they're not responsible for what he did with his money. Try telling that to the dead dogs, Mr. Logical.
4. Their stupid logo
The emblem on the Falcons helmet is a piece of obnoxious, too-clever design that advertising majors jizz themselves over. See, it's both a stylized picture of a bird and a big "F", for "Falcon"! We'll have none of that here in Chicago. If you want to put a letter on your helmet, just put a fucking letter on your helmet. If you want an animal logo, it can go on hats and T-shirts. Don't get all fancy, Falcons.
