5 Chicago landmarks that could double as peculiar music venues
The old Playboy Mansion will need its fireman poles again.
The decision in 2008 to start hosting concerts at Epiphany Episcopal Church (201 S. Ashland Ave.) was a no-brainer: The acoustics are stellar (whether we should thank the architect or the creator of all living things for that is up for discussion), the interior is artfully constructed, and the sermons between acts are uplifting. Andrew Bird continues the church-faring trend this week as part of a four-night set at the gorgeously gothic Fourth Presbyterian Church (126 E. Chestnut St.). But aside from the benefits of a church show, it’s often welcoming to see acts outside the usual music venues. With that in mind, The A.V. Club found a few more Chicago landmarks that we’d like to see transform into music venues.
Potential venue: Old Playboy Mansion (1340 N. State Pkwy.)
Why it would work: For years, Chicago’s Playboy Mansion was party central, hosting the city’s most star-studded and naked-women-laden luncheons. Why not renovate the brick-and-stone 72-room behemoth into a music venue, something that reflects the sexual freedom that flourished while Hugh Hefner lived there? Imagine having the headliners slide onto the stage via fireman poles (might not work for less nimble musicians like, say, Tom Waits).
Possible pitfalls: Typical indie crowds would feel utterly out of place in a room full of half-naked girls. Plus, smoking laws prohibit the crucial use of a pipe tobacco and renders the smoking jacket a useless gesture.
Perfect act to play there: The Reverend Al Green, whose smooth R&B fits the sensual atmosphere, but who’ll scold the audience should anyone try any sexual deviancy.
Potential venue: Chicago Mercantile Exchange (30 S. Wacker Dr.)
Why it would work: Leave the pyrotechnics in the trailer—the Exchange floor’s stock tickers can provide a spectacular light show (“Holy shit, did you how fast gold surged up to $1,200? Radical!”). Plus, free hand-outs at the door: GM stock!
Possible pitfall: Somebody’s gonna need to sweep all those discarded papers and broken dreams off the floor.
Perfect act to play there: Rage Against The Machine. Think of the irony!
Potential venue: Bathrooms at The Drake Hotel (140 E. Walton Pl.)
Why it would work: The Drake Hotel’s ballroom is far too glamorous and elegant to let relative riff-raff scuff up the place for some rock show, but the pristine bathrooms would be a nice compromise, allowing bands to play rock in a much cleaner, classier environment (the sink is probably worth more than your life, punk) than your typical sticky bar. Plus, a band member doesn’t have to hold in a bowel movement in the middle of the act; on the contrary, how transcendental would it be to hear, say, Billy Corgan play “Disarm” from the toilet?
Possible pitfall: Those stuck in an awkward conversation have no way of excusing themselves to the bathroom for escape.
Perfect acts to play there: Dave Matthews Band, to play a benefit show for those harmed in the infamous human feces boating accident of 2005.
Potential venue: Atop Willis Tower (233 S. Wacker Dr.)
Why it would work: For bands that love playing epic shows, but hate the low elevation levels of football stadiums, Willis Tower’s rooftop would provide a powerful, if terrifying, spiritual experience. Sure, U2’s live show may be intense, but it’s not “I hope the Edge’s solos don’t blow me off the roof” intense.
Possible pitfalls: The tower’s 1,450-foot elevation is a teensy bit high for those with acrophobia. Also, it seems like there are always gunfights taking place on the rooftops of buildings.
Perfect act to play there: How crazy would it be to hear to Sufjan Stevens play his 2005 magnum opus Illinois from the freaking top of Illinois? Surely, he would change the title of “The Seer’s Tower” to please the new benevolent sponsors of the building.
Potential venue: Adler Planetarium (1300 S. Lake Shore Dr.)
Why it would work: Much like planetariums currently synchronize light shows with Pink Floyd or Beatles records, any band would benefit from the cosmos swirling above the audience’s head.
Possible pitfalls: Adler officials will undoubtedly try to slip “education” into each show. “The Milky Way is spinning at a rate of 225 kilometers per second, asteroids will surely destroy the earth within a period of…” blah blah blah.
Perfect act to play there: The Flaming Lips were born to play this show. The only problem is trying to sneak a giant bubble and 20 tons worth of confetti in there.
