News Net Albany Park Groupon troubles result in bloated lawsuit, petty name calling

Since sifting through dull newspapers, hyperbolic blogs, and overflowing RSS feeds for meaningful news can be an arduous process, News Net catches and compiles both the amusing and the significant reports that were overlooked throughout the week. Here are some things to think about as the weekend begins.

• What began as a seemingly innocent Groupon deal purchase quickly mutated into a disgruntled Yelp review, which then became a malicious fake blog—which then transfigured into a bloated lawsuit. It all started when Cecelia Groark purchased a food and wine pairing class at Bottled Grapes in Albany Park. Apparently the deal did not indicate where the class would be held. (Perhaps at Bottled Grapes?) Groark says she e-mailed internationally known wine expert and owner of Bottled Grapes, Krunch Kretschmar, to find the location. Kretschmar called and told her that she had lost her seat after not responding to an earlier e-mail. Groark then took to Yelp with a one-star death blow review of Bottled Grapes. Kretschmar responded to the review criticizing Groark’s character and level of maturity. Still following? Groark then alleges Kretschmar took the dispute further, creating a blog in Groark’s name that made several inaccurate claims about Groark including “embezzling from her last employer to support her drug addiction.” And that’s when the lawsuit came to be. Kretschmar received a cease and desist letter from Groark’s lawyer, and now he’s being sued for defamation and intentional infliction of emotional distress, with Groark seeking more than $150,000 in compensatory damages and more than $500,000 in punitive damage, court costs, and attorney fees. This is just yet another installment of the The A.V. Club’s running expose, “Groupons Gone Wild.”

• All City Colleges of Chicago campuses will be “tobacco-free zones” beginning March 1. The City Colleges’ board of trustees approved the new policy Thursday. The policy bans tobacco use on all college property, including the use of smokeless tobacco products. As everyone knows, the way to get young people to stop doing something is to completely forbid whatever it is they’re doing. College students throughout the city would likely be outraged if they were actually still able to afford a pack of smokes after paying their tuition and textbook fees.

• The Chicago P.D. invited Chicago Cubs shortstop Starlin Castro to an unexpected slumber party Thursday night. After what many assume to have been an hour or two of jovial pillow fighting and Wii bowling, the evening took a dark turn when police proceeded to question Castro into the morning hours—addressing allegations of sexual assault that came to light more than three months ago. The case had been idle since then, as police awaited Castro’s return from his home in the Dominican Republic. The woman pressing charges alleges that Castro sexually assaulted her after she had passed out at his apartment back in September. The woman and her friend apparently left a bar with Castro that day around 3 a.m. Naturally, Castro’s lawyers and the Chicago Cubs have issued statements in support of the shortstop and claim this will have no effect on the team’s plans for an another assuredly pathetic season.

• A Chicago City Council committee approved a resolution on Thursday declaring Chicago a “torture-free zone.” The resolution stems from years of countless alleged police misconduct claims, in particular under the reign of former Chicago police commander and current convict, Jon Burge. Burge is serving four-and-a-half years after being convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice for failing to disclose how much he knew about the police torture that took place during his tenure. If the resolution is approved by the full Council, Chicago would become the first U.S. city to officially oppose all forms of torture.

• Billy Corgan and professional wrestling? A match made in somewhere strange as shit. Corgan launched his own Chicago-based indie wrestling league, Resistance Pro, back in November on Black Friday. The league’s first heavyweight champion will be crowned by Corgan himself at Excalibur Friday night during an all-ages show. Hopefully he will be in costume as his alter-ego, “Super-effeminate Beetlejuice.”

• For those who were getting tired of having to walk more than five steps to get from one Dunkin’ Donuts to the next, Chicago has you covered. The 500th city location will host a grand opening Saturday. The new location features free Wi-Fi, environmentally friendly design elements, and new food items like a “grab & go” case that will be stocked with donut alternatives like yogurt, hummus, cheese sticks, and fruit cups. The first 500 customers will get a coffee mug and a $2 gift card.