News Net Chicago says "suck it, all other cities" with four-trophy ceremony

Since sifting through dull newspapers, hyperbolic blogs, and overflowing RSS feeds for meaningful news can be an arduous process, News Net catches and compiles both the amusing and the significant reports that were overlooked throughout the weekend. Here are some things to think about as the workweek begins.

• The White Sox game against the New York Yankees on Friday was prefaced with a “Gathering of the Champions” ceremony, in which trophies from the 1985 Bears, the ’90s Bulls, the 2005 White Sox, and the 2010 Blackhawks were displayed side-by-side. For all of Chicago’s persistent sports moaning, no other city can claim a title in each of the major sports over the past 25 years. Maybe Mayor Daley can solve the city’s budgetary woes by loaning out a trophy or two to Seattle.

• Leonardo DiCaprio was granted a restraining order against a 41-year-old Chicago woman who claimed to be his wife and the mother of their “baby Jesus” on Wednesday. DiCaprio said the woman had twice flown to Los Angeles to confront him at his home and office, and had to be forcibly removed from the premises. Perhaps DiCaprio forgot that he and the woman had “a small fling” in the third level of his subconscious.

• Delicious Design League released its annual hot dog-based art. The first is a depiction of the Chicago flag with mustard-topped hot dogs instead of stars. The second is a mustachioed Chicago-style dog happily riding a 19th-century penny-farthing bicycle. That picture’s relative similarity to the Hot Doug’s logo makes a persuasive case for Doug Sohn to grow a handlebar mustache and entertain his store’s massive lines by spinning around on an old-timey bicycle.

• Gizmodo posted a photo of 4,500 aircraft models hypnotically hanging in spectacular patterns from the ceiling in Union Station in 1942, displayed to symbolize President Roosevelt's commitment to building 185,000 military aircraft for World War II. Maybe to inspire solidarity in the city’s war against crime, we could recreate the idea by hanging up 4,500 Glock pistols.

• Logan Square noise-and-garage venue The Mopery held a massive 12-band farewell show on Saturday, ending with a set by Lechuguillas at 4 a.m. Sunday. Opened in the Summer of 2008, The Mopery served as a hotspot for underground and experimental acts. Its owners recently opted to close the doors rather than risk being found operating without a Public Place of Amusement license.