Blog Everything there is to know about Chet Haze

Okay, here’s what the public knows about Chet Haze:
• He’s a rapper.
• His parents are Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson.
• He’s a sophomore at Northwestern.
• His song, “White And Purple,” is a take on a Wiz Khalifa song, and may have already been done by another guy named Mo Greene.
• He’s in a fraternity, and claims to be from “the west side of the West Side,” presumably meaning Malibu.

After The Daily Northwestern ran a shameless puff piece on Haze (sample: “There’s something about his eyes—not the color, not the shape, but something—that looks just like the ones I’ve seen on the big screen in ‘Philadelphia,’ ‘Saving Private Ryan’ and ‘Forrest Gump,’”) last week, a bit more information came out, including the fact that he’s studying theater, likes Buffalo Joe’s, and likes to “chill” at his frat house. Also, he has a manager.

The website NU Intel did a story of its own about the aspiring rapper, inspiring a few angry comments. Among pleas for expulsion on grounds of bad rhymes came rants like this one, railing against his use of “his daddy’s money” to buy purple weed, and imploring him to just shut up and take an investment banking job.

Speaking of that daddy, The Washington Post’s Celebritology blog got Haze on the phone to talk about his “career” and that lineage, and Haze reported—big shock—that his family’s fairly supportive of his career. He also thinks all the attention he’s been getting for the single is nothing but positive, something that NU Intel commenters found laughable.

Today, The Daily Northwestern reported that “Chanx” (as some of The A.V. Club’s interns referred to him this week) is going to sit down with Mo Greene, the rapper he allegedly plagiarized, this weekend. Greene is, to say the least, not a huge fan, saying that while his version of “White And Purple” shows “love to my boys on the football team,” Haze’s version is, “a little disrespectful to the place that’s providing you with a top-notch education, and the only thing you’re getting from it or putting in your artwork are blunts, big cups, Long Island (Iced Teas) and, to quote a blog, ‘deflowering freshmen.’” Uh, link to that blog, please?

Speaking of The A.V. Club’s interns, a whole bunch of them go to Northwestern, and after one of them told us that Haze “can often be found chain smoking out front of the Evanston Burger King,” we knew we couldn’t let their knowledge of the prodigal son go un-mined. The interns reported their sightings, and then got some of their friends to do the same. The resulting comments are kind of amazing, may or may not be true, and are presented below, without comment.

• “He opened the door for me in a SafeRide once. What a gentleman!”
• “… If someone interviews him, be sure to ask him about the time he crashed R. Kelly’s party.”
• “I was at The Keg, enjoying a beer with a friend of mine in the table section, when suddenly there was a huge commotion. I turned around and saw two guys swinging at each other, and being the Good Samaritan that I am, grabbed on to the arm of one of them and attempted to pull him back. Others joined me in the effort to stop the fray, and it was soon brought to an end. I realized that the arm I was grabbing onto was none other than the infamous Chet himself. I can’t remember what the two guys said to one another afterwards, but it was unpleasant.”
• “During rush last year, his frat gave out hot cocoa. Then he took my trash out for me. Also, he was in my astronomy and intro to fiction classes. He sat in the back of both lectures and after fiction he kinda booked it to North Campus really quickly. Oh, and he was in Sam Egles’ theater class last year, was apparently kind of standoffish, and told stories about how his dad collects typewriters.”
• “He can often be found acting as the bouncer at The Keg, hitting unsuccessfully on women, sporting silver chains and baggy jeans, and denying/attempting to reverse the fact that he was in Bratz.”
• “My old roommate is his ‘pledge mom,’ and he asked out a girl in my sorority repeatedly, even introduced her to daddy Tom. I wish I were joking. I know [Tom’s] been in the student center a couple of times.”
• “I met him on Gone Greek night last year. He came to our sorority (we were both new pledges) with his fraternity brothers to sing to us, and he gave me a rose and introduced himself. He seemed really sweet!”
• “I saw Chet Haze this weekend cavorting with a young co-ed who previously posed in Playboy, a Ms. Maxine Christine. She was the hottest girl of the Big 10 in 2008, I believe.”