Indiana Man says no to the White Sox T-shirt cannons
Never forget
Two weeks ago, David Babusiak of St. John, Ind. sued the White Sox for injuries sustained during a 2007 game, when a free T-shirt launched from the “Chevrolet Pride Crew’s” cannon caused excessive jostling in his section. Babusiak seeks $75,000, claiming the T-shirt situation caused an “abnormally dangerous activity” that led to his unfortunate back injury. If I’m not mistaken, this is the first litigation against T-shirt cannon-related injustices, and it’s about damn time.
I’ve been saying this for years: T-shirts cannons are death traps. Have we already forgotten Maude Flanders's untimely demise at the hands of a T-shirt firing squad years ago? How many more have to suffer? When can I attend a baseball game without the chilling fear that I will be unsuspectingly taken out by T-shirt snipers?
Look, I understand that when I attend a baseball game, I will have to dodge things: foul balls, the occasional bat that’s accidentally launched into the stands, even the fists of the opposing team’s belligerent relievers. That’s just part of the game. But free T-shirts? What a painfully discombobulating notion.
Hank Aaron must be rolling in his grave.
Bravo, Mr. Babusiak, for doing the brave thing, for targeting the White Sox organization and refusing to single out the drunken buffoons who were literally inflicting these injuries. They were merely pawns, virtually zombies, feeding off the hysteria and pandemonium that ensues when these dangerous cotton projectiles are fired aimlessly into the masses.
But why stop at the White Sox? Why not sue General Motors for making their products so irresistible that hordes will fiercely struggle for a shirt displaying pride in such a thriving company? I can only imagine that sales of “I <3 my Chevy Cobalt” T-shirts are through the roof.
If the White Sox think the people of Chicago will continue coming to baseball games while these cotton angels of death, the so-called “Chevrolet Pride Crew,” continue to tempt us with the sweet but poisonous nectar of a free Chevy T-shirt, they’ve got another thing coming. I know the next time I see the T-shirt cannon warming up, I will do what any logical, fair-minded person would do: cower under my seat and pray that I will emerge again with my life.
