Crosstalk Is “dibs” for duds?

Marah: There are a ton of important issues in the city right now, but nothing gets people more fired up—well, almost nothing—than “dibs.”

Marcus, let me start right off by saying that I totally, completely get the ire against the “dibs” system. It’s based on a “me first!” sensibility that, to anyone with a sense of social justice, is pretty repulsive. “Dibs” participants are saying, “To hell with everyone else. I’m getting mine.” And it’s gross.

That being said, God, I love my “dibs” spot right now. And damn if I haven’t earned it. I dig my car into the spot and I dig it out every day. It’s a solid 45 minutes of shoveling a day, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to give that spot up and spend another three hours shoveling out another spot.

Not that those spots even exist. That’s the other thing about “dibs.” Go ahead and don’t participate if you’re above it, but when every single other driver in your neighborhood is doing it, you’re going to end up S.O.L. when it comes to a parking spot. Sure, the whole “slippery slope” argument isn’t a great rationale for doing something, but my ideals go out the window when it’s -15 degrees and I’m parking seven blocks from my house at a meter I have to be back at before 7 a.m.

Marcus: What gets me about “dibs” isn’t the crazy stuff that people leave outside to mark their spot—though that’s certainly a highlight—but this idea that a driver has a right to mark a space as inherently “his/hers.” I realize the hypocrisy of this; after all, we’ve all saved a friend a seat at a show or a movie. It happens from time to time. And I understand that physical exertion of shoveling out the car and the thought of having to pay for a meter and walk so far home from your car aren’t propositions anyone looks forward to. But since when does doing any of that make you obligated to keep the spot? The only time when the physical exertion seems to warrant any sort of reward is during one of these once-a-generation blizzards, and even then, the sense of obligation smacks of a certain arrogance.

Not to mention you more than likely don’t HAVE to dig out the car; just take the CTA.

Marah: Oh, it’s definitely arrogant, but then again, so’s Chicago, for the most part—our pizza’s big; our government’s corrupt; and our hot dogs are loaded. Get used to it, or something.

You’re right that you could just take the CTA, but that’s assuming that a person works somewhere accessible by the CTA. Last week, I waited 45 minutes for a bus to work. At my two previous jobs, it would take me over an hour to get there on the CTA. They were 10-minute drives, respectively. And those were in the city—not in Naperville or something. Those people definitely have to dig out their cars at some point.

The thing is that no one’s obligated to have a spot, and nothing is stopping any ballsy driver from just yanking some random stranger’s dib-markers out of his or her spot and parking there. But I dare anyone to try that. Be the first, seriously. I caught someone trying to do it in my spot earlier this week, and I practically jumped on the hood of the offender’s car. If they want a spot, they can spend the 10 hours digging it out themselves, rather than just benefitting off the fruits of my labors. (And if I find who stole my shovel the other day, so help you, Jesus…)

Marcus: You have a point about “dibs” being perfectly in-line with Chicago, but how often do you really need it? The Big Dig was only necessary last week; we haven’t seen a blizzard like that in, well, since long before I lived here. The idea that people will get violent over parking spots is way more irrational to me than fights over Sox-Cubs—that I get. Parking spots, though? No way. At what point do we start calling “dibs” at the DMV? Or in lines to get Cubs bleacher seats? Like you said before, it’s a slippery slope and where’s the line? Chicagoans are otherwise very friendly—except when you even glance sideways at a dibbed spot. Is this even a problem in other cities?

What’s funny is, any time I complain about the cold here—and that’s usually only when it goes below 0—friends who are natives of the city tell me, “That’s just Chicago in the winter! Get used to it!” But these same people get so worked up over having to find another parking space and walk a few extra blocks in that same cold. I just don’t get it.

Marah: Fair enough. I will say this, though—I didn’t see a single “dibs” item until this big snowstorm. So, at least in my neighborhood, people were showing some restraint. So, I don’t see it slip-sliding into the DMV any time soon.
While I totally see the hypocrisy in the whole “get over it”/walking dichotomy, isn’t that a Chicagoan’s prerogative, to change his or her mind constantly? Have we learned nothing from Mayor Daley?

And how about this argument: If it’s so bad, why don’t the cops do something about it?

Marcus: Well, given that our police ranks are heavily under-staffed, they have way more issues to keep them busy than to issue tickets for “dibs,” so I don’t think that’d work. And I find “dibs” hilarious, mostly from the completely weird shit people use to mark their places. I could probably furnish an apartment from the stuff I’ve seen this week on my block alone. But, that aside, it is very much a uniquely Chicago thing, this strange series of quirks and contradictions. And, in its own contradictory way, it does make sense in the city that our own famous journalist Mike Royko once suggested should bear the motto, “Ubi est mea?” (“Where’s Mine?”) 

Marah: “Dibs” on being the last person to talk in this debate.