Recap Jimmy John’s Freaky Fast Sandwich Making and Eating Contest   

Over the past decade, competitive eating has become a semi-legitimate sport in the United States. “Legitimate” in a way that saw Japanese super-eater Takeru Kobayashi faced off against a half-ton Kodiak bear in a hot-dog eating contest on FOX, but legitimate all the same. Eaters push boundaries of both stomach capacity and human endurance, all the while battling against the dreaded “reversal of fortune,” a.k.a. puking their guts out.

Thus it makes sense that as an old-fashioned Midwestern eating town, Chicago would host the finale of Jimmy John’s Freaky Fast Sandwich Making and Eating Contest at Taste of Lincoln this past Saturday. The simple but deliciously nauseating premise: Three Jimmy John’s sandwich-making superstars were charged with slapping together as many sammiches as they could in six minutes, while four sandwich-eating superstars tried to keep pace in putting those sandwiches down. Basically, it was a contest of speed—whichever group couldn't keep up would be declared the loser.

On hand was International Federation of Competitive Eating hype man extraordinaire George Shea, best known as the voice of the Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest, who earned his keep Saturday slinging amazing hyperbole in his running commentary. The contest was, to him, “a day [he’ll] describe to his grandchildren,” and the sandwiches were salted “as if gathered from the tears of 1000 angels.” Floridian Hall Hunt, described as a “faith-based eater” in the press material, joined Chicagoans Steve Dokho, Tim “Gravy” Brown, and No. 2 eater in the world Patrick Bertoletti, a.k.a. “Four Horsemen of the Esophagus,” another Shea gem. (Incidentally, Bertoletti’s stats are incredible: 266 pickled jalapenos in 15 minutes, 21 pounds of grits in 10 minutes, 47 cream-filled donuts in five minutes, and the list goes on.)

After much stretching and belt loosening, the contest kicked off, with the eaters mostly keeping pace with the makers. Hunt seemed to dance the food down, while a reportedly hungover Bertoletti relied on a chipmunk-cheek technique. ("Im hungover n ready to get beat at jimmy johns," read Bertoletti's Twitter feed on Saturday morning.) With about a minute left, Dokho developed “meat sweats,” which Shea described as “when the protein enzyme hits the adrenaline enzyme,” and then dodged a reversal of fortune with about a minute left, choking it back as the crowd both cheered him on and turned away squeamishly.

Because there were more eaters than makers, there were some kinks in the production. At times, eaters were without sandwiches, which made for some frantic looking around while chewing. But for the most part, due to the tried-and-true “dunk everything in water before devouring” method, the eaters did their part and thoroughly grossed everyone out. A mysterious white liquid dripped down the hands that clenched fistfuls of meat and condiments—the Jimmy John’s staffers weren’t half-assing their toppings.

Bertoletti slams another sandwich into his gullet.

At the end, and after some questionable judging, the sandwich-eaters lost to the sandwich-makers by two tomato slices and some lettuce scraps, though they’d collectively eaten 21 subs. Not bad for six minutes' work.

For more competitive-eating fun, you can read our recent interview with a pair of competitive eaters on how you can best pace yourself at summer barbecues.