Let’s (pretend to) get it on: How to be a great Air Sex lover
Preparing a narrative, committing to your character, and other ways to win the Alamo Drafthouse's biggest creep-out
Air Sex, where faking it is always rewarded
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It began, as so many perverted things do, with the Japanese. Austin's Alamo Drafthouse owner Tim League came across a viral video from the game show Japanorama of some men making sweet love to invisible partners. Inspiration took hold, and shortly thereafter Air Sex—Air Guitar’s dirty, smutty cousin—was born. Hosted by Austin improviser Chris Trew, Air Sex is now a bona fide hit, selling out shows and drawing in scores of people aching to act out their wildest sexual fantasies in front of an audience, everything from plain old S&M to a recent, elaborate tableau involving Sarah Palin, John McCain, and a polar bear sharing a circle jerk. “It seems really mortifying,” Trew says, “but it feels amazing, and it goes by really fast.” (In other words, it’s a lot like actual sex—except there’s a chance you’ll get a standing ovation when it’s over.) Now League and Trew are taking their show on the road to find one winner from each of 15 cities to be flown to the Air Sex World Championships to be held later this summer. Before the tour swings by Chicago this Sunday at the Logan Square Auditorium, Decider asked Trew to give first-time air-fuckers some tips. Once you’ve nailed them down, e-mail him to secure your spot in the contest.
Have a story.
Chris Trew: There’s something to be said for keeping it spontaneous, but you should have a couple of things mapped out beforehand. It makes a huge difference between people who are just gonna lick someone’s pussy, then fuck them and cum in their face, and the guy who breaks into someone’s house, ties the kid up… well, that’s really dark, but what I’m saying is, it makes a big difference when you have a narrative.
Commit to the bit.
CT: If your idea is to, say, be a naughty nurse, then get all up in that character. Walk like a nurse, talk like a nurse, bring nurse props—completely commit to the idea that you’re a nurse. Whenever Air Sex doesn’t work, it’s because the performers are second-guessing themselves. When someone is second-guessing himself, it makes everyone else uncomfortable. Everyone knows that this show is weird, but when someone is acknowledging that onstage, it makes it even worse.
Choose good music.
CT: You can pick one song, make a mix, bring just a portion of a song—and a really good song will get you through your set. This is a terrible example, but as soon as they hear “Let’s Get It On,” the audience is immediately on your side.
Decider: Are there any songs you should avoid?
CT: First and foremost, “Let’s Get It On.” Also Salt-N-Pepa’s “Let’s Talk About Sex.” Anything that’s too obviously “sexy”—or was at one point in time, anyway. Someone did the Full House theme song at the last competition, and while the routine had nothing to do with Full House, and it’s an “inappropriate” song to be air fucking to, everyone responded to it. Obscure things that don’t fit within the framework of “sex” are perfect.
Don’t forget the fucking.
CT: The judges like to see some sweet moves. Committing to the bit, music, costumes—all that stuff is important, but you still have to do some fucking. We’ve had people who have done a striptease, and that’s not air sex. We don’t like that. It compromises the integrity of the competition.
D: Let’s say you’re a virgin. How likely is it that you’re going to win?
CT: They have just as good a chance as everyone else. Before you have sex, you have a lot of fantasies about what it would be like, and maybe they’re really wild and crazy. If you can execute that onstage, then you’re good. Hump your pillow and practice. I want to see the faces that virgins think they’ll make when they’re actually getting fucked.
D: As a judge, what’s the No. 1 thing you look for?
CT: I’m a big fan of stage presence. Some of the judges are really into how funny it is, or how clever the costume is—and all of those things are important—but I’m really into it when it looks like someone does this for a living, like they’ve practiced and perfected it.
D: Doesn’t that kind of creep you out, knowing that someone put so much work into fucking the air?
CT: Absolutely. This show is one big creep-out. But it’s dressed up really nice and done really well, so it works.
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