News Net: Chris Nolan's brother guilty of prison escape plot, Lionel Richie's head wanted for cheese dip

Since sifting through dull newspapers, hyperbolic blogs, and overflowing RSS feeds for meaningful news can be an arduous process, News Net catches and compiles both the amusing and the significant reports that were overlooked throughout the week. Here are some things to think about as the workweek winds down.

• Remember when Matthew Nolan, brother of Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan, was arrested on Costa Rican murder charges, then tried to escape from the Metropolitan Correction Center last November by sliding down the high-rise with a makeshift bedsheet rope, a harness, and a razor? Well, Matthew Nolan pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice and possessing contraband on Thursday, according to the Tribune. A pretty dissatisfying conclusion to a case that had so much potential—why not throw smoke pellets to distract the judge, stun security with a BatTaser, then use a grappling gun to swing out of the courtroom?

• ChicagoNow’s David Kaplan reports the Cubs and the White Sox, in a “historic partnership,” will conclude their annual series with the presentation of an ultimately meaningless trophy, the BP Crosstown Cup. Good to see these two rival organizations put aside differences and cooperate in the spirit of corporate sponsorship.

• Lady Gaga’s Lollapalooza stage this summer will cost $150,000, the most expensive price tag for a stage in the festival’s history, says NBC Chicago. Lolla founder Perry Farrell must be yearning for the days when headlining acts just brought their own pyramids.

• We love Christmas carols, but they'd definitely be jollier if they were sung with the Klingons' guttural panache. For three years, a group of Trekkies in the Twin Cities have produced A Klingon Christmas Carol, an adaptation of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, and now they want to bring the play to Chicago. Check out the play’s Kickstarter page to donate to the project and bring those aliens here, where the Klingon language is far more welcome than in Alabama.

• Roger Ebert posted his 1977 screenplay for a Sex Pistols film called Who Killed Bambi? which was slated to be produced by the Sex Pistols manager Malcolm McLaren. Here’s a taste:

PROBY
I'm good at spotting trends. Very good. And I think the Sex Pistols might be the next one.

JOHNNY ROTTEN
Well we ain't no fuckin' trend, Proby, and so take your trend and stuff it where the sun don't shine!

• Tough week for Bulls fans: Derrick Rose and company were eliminated in five games at the hands of LeBron and the Cavaliers, and VP John Paxson appears on the cusp on firing head coach Vinny Del Negro, says the Sun-Times. Even worse, the guy they cut loose two seasons ago, Scott Skiles, has the lowly Milwaukee Bucks up 3-2 in their series with the Atlanta Hawks. (Though some of the Bucks' success also must be attributed to their mascot “Bango” and his death-defying slam-dunk tricks.)

• If you’re at a party this weekend and the host serves salsa from Lionel Richie’s unforgettable bust from the video for “Hello,” then somebody on Craigslist just struck gold. (via Gapers Block)