News Net: Is Severus Snape from Northbrook?
Plus: Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul joins Lolla's celebrity kickball game
Um, hello, Mr. Snape? Do you have Prince Albert in a can?
Since sifting through dull newspapers, hyperbolic blogs, and overflowing RSS feeds for meaningful news can be an arduous process, News Net catches and compiles both the amusing and the significant reports that were overlooked throughout the work week. Here are some things to think about as the weekend begins.
• Someone on the Internet must have figured out photoshop this week! This genius grabbed a screen cap of Kevin Gnapoor's "Bad Ass M.C." business cards from Mean Girls, slapped on Severus Snape's name and some jibberish about potions, and got blogs all in a tizzy about that 847 area code. Snape, to those muggles out there, is Harry Potter’s sketchy nemesis and a professor of the dark arts. He would live in the North suburbs, though, that creep.
• A Chicago man is suing Chipotle Mexican Grill, claiming there was a two-inch wire in his burrito. Robert Miner got the burrito at the Chipotle on East Ontario in 2008, shoveled it down, and then noticed the wire piercing the back of his throat. He subsequently underwent surgery to have it removed. Here’s hoping that wire was at least naturally raised and grass-fed.
• CPD’s Bomb and Arson squad detonated a grenade in Lincoln Park on Tuesday. Police found the grenade tied, probably intentionally, to a pole outside General Iron Industries at 1909 N. Clifton Ave.
• A South Side teen felt his mom’s wrath, Judge Judy style, last Sunday. Ravontay Hutchins, 17, allegedly stole a pizza delivery guy’s ride outside Pompeii in University Village and quickly got nabbed by the cops, along with a 14-year-old accomplice. When a judge set Hutchins’ bail at $25,000, the defendant’s mom refused to bail him out, saying, “I’ve got [the money to bail him out], but he’s staying here, locked up!” and then reportedly stormed out of the courtroom. Boom! Snap! Zing!
• The final lineup came out for that celebrity kickball game during Lollapalooza. Hot Tub Time Machine’s Clark Duke is out, but Breaking Bad’s Aaron Paul is in! (Schwing!) Har Mar Superstar and nightlife photographer Clayton Hauck from Everyone is Famous were also added, but the list remains pretty consistent from our article earlier this week. Bigger questions remain about where the hell they’re going to play this game in Grant Park while bands are performing, but, hey, whatever, man.
