Nobody beats the Biz: 6 notable songs beyond "Just A Friend"

While some one-hit wonders deserve the title, others who have persevered off the radar shouldn't have their careers overshadowed by a brief moment in the sun. Hip-hop veteran Biz Markie is one of them: His 1989 hit "Just A Friend" has endured as a sing-along classic, but the rest of his similarly goofy-but-charming repertoire remains largely ignored. No more: In preparation for his appearance at FreshFest on Arie Crown Theater on Friday, The A.V. Club examines six under-appreciated songs that elucidate Biz's greatness.

“Biz Dance, Pt. 1” from Goin' Off (1988)

Sample lyric: “They've heard of Biz Markie all the way in France / And the kids in Antarctica is doin' my dance” 

Why nobody beats him: The Biz suggests the lumbering, complicated dance moves of a cuddly, obese hip-hop artist can unify the “party peoples” of the world, from Long Island to France to the “kids in Antarctica” (presumably scientists at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station). Nothing brings people together more than shared hardship, and Markie's confusing dance sounds excruciating: “Kick your legs 'til your pants almost rip / Shake from side to side, with your arms and hips,” then “throw one leg to one side / And then throw the other leg up to the other side / Then throw your leg up above your head.” Considering the diminishing returns of dance sensations since, it's too bad “the Biz Mark” never caught on, even if it sounds impossible.

“Albee Square Mall” from Goin' Off (1988)

Sample lyric: “They all know me, the Biz Markie / I get more respect than the average employee / Could work in any store in the mall/ because the place is my house from wall to wall / If I could move in, party people, I just might” 

Why nobody beats him: "Albee Square Mall" is a stimulus package in and of itself. Following Biz's ultra-pro-consumerist message, people could jump start an economic recovery. He spends "24/7" in the mall, buys sneakers and panty hose, deems his local shopping center more homey than his actual home, and, most impressive, willingly eats Wendy's. Remember, Goin' Off was released during the climax of the Cold War—the Berlin Wall fell less than two years after the release of the staunchly capitalist "Albee Square Mall." Coincidence?

“Make The Music With Your Mouth, Biz” from Biz's Baddest Beats (1994)

Sample lyric: “It may look and sound easy doin' the human beatbox / but it's real difficult, even knocked me out my socks / It's a movement combination with your lip, tongue, and throat / Use your teeth and your nose for a mysterious high note” 

Why nobody beats him: Few hip-hop artists write rhymes about having a solid work ethic, but in “Make The Music With Your Mouth, Biz,” Markie attributes his unreal beatboxing skills to “hard work” and “practice” while urging the kids to be “ambitious in the schooling.” There's another reason why Biz is the bomb: He uses his stature as a beatboxing marvel to instill in kids the dream that one day, with hard work and resilience, they can pen songs that reference their own name at least seven times.

“Let Me Turn You On” from All Samples Cleared! (1993)

Sample lyric: “You got eyes like water / Lips so rosy red / Everytime I see you really turns my head / And I'm the kind of guy that love you all for me /  And everybody know my name is Biz Markie” 

Why nobody beats him: Biz knows how to treat a lady. How can any woman resist his teddy-bear appearance, off-key singing,  and Hallmark-worthy lyrics? (All guys know the way to a lady's heart is to compose a sonnet that ends with, “Everybody knows my name is Biz Markie.”) Just look at this ball of warmth lay down some beats with his love pouch: 
 

 
“Let Me Turn You On” not only proposes the Biz turn you on to a “love of the freakiest kind,” its funky bass grooves also indicate he'll turn up some disco when he dims his track lighting and plops himself on a water bed to seduce you. 

"The Dragon" from The Biz Never Sleeps (1989)

Sample lyric: "The thing I'm talkin' about is an essence / a foreign fragrance with a presence / that you can't see with the naked eye / But to the nose it's a nuisance"

Why nobody beats him: Biz Markie is an excitable rapper unafraid to go off half-cocked about any notion that might make for a decent song. Case in point: "The Dragon," slang for halitosis or nasty body odor that Markie seems to have invented (though it might be indigenous to New York). After a skittering beat hops along to a sample of the "Irish Spring" jingle, the beat gets a spookier and more bare, and Markie starts dropping knowledge on listeners by reminding them that, in fact, nobody likes nasty smells. Who knew? Then he screeches like a dragon.

"Friends" from Weekend Warrior (2003)

Sample lyric: "I did the right thing like my name was Spike Lee / She had her own car, so I walked to the door / Like Busta Rhymes, I said 'Gimme some more'"

Why nobody beats him: Yes, Markie is being either a little cocky or lazy writing another song in the vein of "Just A Friend," but this song somehow packs much more sadness, patient optimism, and catchiness into its four minutes. Biz gets acquainted with "a very special gal" from "around the way," but she spurns his advances to the (flatly sung) tune of "Why Can't We Be Friends?" There's a lot of odd, anachronistic name-dropping (Biz says he must "investigate like Magnum P.I."), but when the song draws to a close, it's truly devastating.