One mustache, one creepy chin patch for charity coming right up
This man knows my plight -- he too was teased by our fellow prosthetic growers.
My week began with confusion over whether or not I had to shave my chin region. On Monday, I sent an inquiry to Patrick, who forwarded me this note from the Honorable Judge Boyle of the Moustache-A-Thon:
“it depends what look he's going for. he wants to look like a civil war general and connect his stache to his burns with no beard i say go for it. but if he wants a clean simple well-defined stache I say he should shave the sides.”
That didn’t really answer my question. I would love to look like a Civil War general, but that isn’t going to happen by the end of the competition on Feb. 18, even if I buy a uniform off eBay and roll up to the meeting in the General Lee. No, what I’ve grown so far is an unkempt mustache and a far-off patch of hair along my chin. Or, as one of my co-workers told me, unimpressed: "This is a look you've done before."
So I was half-expecting some flak from the judges as all the organic growers were corralled like cattle to the slaughter. One man came back visibly upset after having been hassled by the judges seemingly without provocation. Uh oh. Surely I was in for it. I was prepared to give a speech, to appeal their sense of humanity, or, hell, even to bribe them. After all, we’ve earned $25 in charity, so I could easily afford a $25 bribe. No, instead, I went before all the non-mustachioed judges and we had the following exchange:
“How are you feeling about your mustache?”
“Pretty good. A lot of the women here tonight have been telling me it’s creepy, but I’m not going to let that stop me.”
“Nor should you.”
[Long pause.]
“Is that it?”
“That’s it.”
All that fuss over nothing. But at least I didn’t try to sell some weak shit like a photograph of Pringles. That’s just plain-old inexcusable.
