Interview Sgt. David J. Haynes and Christopher Garlington

Say what you will about Chicago’s finest, but cops know where to eat. We’re not talking about Alinea, though. We’re talking about hot dogs, tacos, and delicious fried shrimp. Enter The Beat Cop’s Guide To Chicago Eats, the new book by Sgt. David J. Haynes and writer Christopher Garlington. These two have eaten their way through all five Chicago Police areas, and have picked some of their very favorite spots for fast, cheap grub. The two will be holding court at the Barnes & Noble at DePaul University (1 E. Jackson) April 12 from noon to 2 p.m., but before that, they agreed to be interrogated by The A.V. Club about the very best food in town. A warning, readers: You have the right to become hungry.

The A.V. Club:  How did the whole idea for the book come about?

Christopher Garlington: I’m not a cop, but [Sgt.] Dave [Haynes] and I are best friends. We have a radio show on WJJG, 1530 AM. It’s the least known radio station in Chicago. They’re batshit crazy and broadcast out of an apartment in Beverly. One time, the owner came in—he’s an 85-year-old used car salesman who’s kind of famous—and fired our engineer for singing on the show. He wasn’t singing, either. It was us talking. But what could we do? He bogarted our whole show the day Pavarotti died, too.

Anyway, we were doing a live broadcast at the Three Counties Pub, and we were interviewing Ursula Bielski, who wrote Haunted Chicago. It was around Halloween, and she runs a ghost tour and stuff, too. Her publisher, Sharon Woodhouse, came too. It was a great interview, and the bar was filled to the eaves with people. I’m not much of a ghost believer, and I was giving Ursula hell. We’re friends now, though. She thought it was hilarious.

Sharon said to us after the show, “Hey, I’ve been wanting to resurrect this Street And San Man’s Guide To Chicago Eats for a couple of years now. Would you—meaning Dave—like to write it?” Dave said he’d love to do it, because he’s always wanted to write a book, and then he immediately turned to me and said, “You’ll help me, right?”

AVC: What do you think makes cops uniquely qualified to judge restaurants?

CG: It’s because they’re working in the street all the time and driving around neighborhoods 24-7. They’re starving most of the time, and they’re sick of McDonald’s and fast food. They’re looking for different places to eat all the time, and they find these great places and just stick with them.

David Haynes: Nobody likes eating the same things day after day. That’s why diets don’t work. We always want something different.

It’s an institutional thing as well, because anyone who’s been an officer in an area that’s kind of dangerous for a long time can tell you that you don’t want to go to the same places at the same time every day. You don’t want people to be able to track you down. You don’t want to create a pattern.

Plus, this goes back to those days when there were police discounts. Those aren’t around like they used to be, but when I came on the job, people liked having the police there, especially when you were working nights. We didn’t want to burn those discounts out. That person was doing you a favor. If someone invites you for dinner, you don’t go every day of the week. So, you try new places so the people don’t get resentful.

CG: Dave’s got 15 years of being a beat cop, and he’ll tell you that it’s really true that cops spend a lot of time arguing about what they’re going to have for lunch. I mean, unless someone’s being shot, what else do they have to do?

Cops have a huge body of knowledge of Chicago places to eat, and they pass this info around to each other. They want to get in, get good food for under $10, and get out within a half an hour.

This is a book for working people. It’s not for people that want to go to Alinea and get oyster foam or some crap like that.

DH: Beat cops are always in the neighborhood, too. They get to know people, and you know who really cares about what they’re doing. You know who owns what businesses and who wants to be successful.

AVC: How did you go about picking restaurants? Are they all places you’ve been, or did you survey other cops?

CG: As soon as we told people we were doing this, they all said, “Oh, you gotta put this in there, and this in there,” and so on. We decided we needed to get a real connection to some working officers in the book and put a thing on Second City Cop to ask for some stories about lunch and being interrupted by a crime. Instead of stories about that, we got the longest argument about where we should be writing about, ever. We also got a bunch of stories that are in the book now.

AVC: What are your all-time favorite places in the book?

CG: I like Jimmy’s Red Hots (4000 W. Grand) down on Grand. I like them because, first, their hot dogs are good. Second, it’s such a classic hot dog stand. I got in an argument with the guy behind the counter the other day as to where to get good ribs.

I also like Uncle John’s (337 E. 69^th) on the southeast side. There’s a theme to the places I like. They don’t have tables. It’s just a walkup rib joint, but it’s so good.

Chicago Pizza And Oven Grinder (2121 N. Clark) is a terrifying place to eat, but the food is so good. Eating there is like climbing a mountain. It’s an ordeal, a journey through food. This picture isn’t in the book, but I submitted one of a meatball salad they make.

Okay, first, it’s a meatball salad. That it even exists is beyond comprehension. Second, it’s just mountainous. It’s like a catering portion. It’s against everything health stands for. It’s delicious, though.

DH: I like the Caribbean American Baking Co. (1539 W. Howard St.) You can’t eat there, but they have these meat pies that are phenomenal.

Frank And Mary’s (2905 N. Elston) is an old favorite. It’s a perfect example of those people I was talking about who really care about what they’re doing. They used to be chefs for some corporate lunchroom place, but they decided they wanted to do their own thing. If you go there, there’s Frank and there’s Mary. They know everyone who comes in regularly, and they really care about their place and their customers.

That’s a good example of a place that police officers find, actually. Northwest side residents have driven by there a million times, but they’ll never notice it unless they know where to look. The place looks like an abandoned building from the outside. That’s one of the advantages of getting to know people.