Blog The A.V. Club visits the National Motivation Show

No one does anything for free anymore, right? What’s the point in helping that little old lady across the street if there’s not a buck or two in it at the other side? Why retweet something that Kim Kardashian got paid $10k to tweet in the first place? Everyone’s gotta look out for number one, and everyone’s gotta get paid.

At least that’s the idea behind the fortunately named incentive and personal development industries, responsible for last week’s Motivation Show at McCormick Place. More than 1000 suppliers pack into the mega-convention center because, as the show’s site puts it—and this is best imagined in a Tony Robbins voice—“This is the place where corporate America comes to learn how to motivate salespeople to sell, encourage customers to remain loyal, and reward employees for improved performance.” Amen, brother. Amen.

A 2007 study by the Incentive Federation, which was surely not invested in the outcome in any way, found that 34 percent of companies used incentives to encourage their employees to increase sales and performance. An estimated $46.1 billion was spent on said incentives, from cruises to gift cards to new vacuum cleaners. The equally fishily named Performance Forum found that there’s a “direct link between employee satisfaction and customer satisfaction, and between customer satisfaction and improved financial performance.”

Well heck, The A.V. Club’s sold. Here’s what we saw on our trip to ye olde schwag fayre.

• Entire countries, states, and cities are willing to shuck and jive for corporate tourism dollars. When real estate agents hit their goals for the year, they have to go somewhere, right? Why not South Africa? Mexico? Malaysia? Is this the year the corporate meeting’s held in Ireland? Vegas has the Richard Petty Driving Experience. According to its booth, Hawaii is “where business and aloha meet.” Miami was giving away two Lebron James Heat jerseys, while Medieval Times advertised its family friendly one-night adventures. Even Chicago had a sizeable booth, no doubt extolling the virtues of glamorous Navy Pier.

• Salespeople like grills, robes, luggage, and shaving. Weber, Omaha Steaks, Samsonite, and Phillips Norelco had huge booths at the convention. So did Bath And Body Works, complete with nattily dressed salespeople giving away samples of Twilight Woods, the company’s “fragrance of the year.” 

• A Christmas ham is a cliché, but it works, man. Honeybaked Ham was grilling up steaks and bacon right in front of a well-placed fan, driving conventioneers absolutely crazy with meat fever.

• Some companies are definitely producing items with questionable motivational ability. Take, for example, M-Clip, “the world’s finest money clip.” Or any of the 19 booths hocking pens and other quality writing instruments. While BedHead’s pajamas might look enticing to wear, what about the neighboring booth’s Rasta Imposta’s wares? Would anyone be caught dead in a Hamburger Helper glove hat, or a shoddily made suit covered in M&Ms? The company’s selection of “adult” costumes could be dangerous in Lee Abrams’ hands.