The Chicago Public Library has totally figured us out. For real.
What follows is what the Chicago Public Library hopes runs through commuters' minds upon seeing their new ad campaign:
Doo dee doo doo… whoa, what do we have here? That girl… do I know her? Is that the bartender from the Continental? No, she's the lead singer of Sybris—or wait, I think I bought a gluten-free cookie from her at that place with bacon cupcakes. She's wearing that press pass around her neck, though, so I guess she's that blogger I talked to at Pitchfork. I remember thinking, That tattoo is totally awesome, with the different layers; I'm probably gonna do something like it, once I get my Titus Andronicus one touched up so it looks like TV On The Radio—
Hold on.
Hold.
On.
Not what I think? What? She's… "one of ours?" Oh, and that must mean, let's see, THE LIBRARY?!? Aaaah! No way. No, no, no, that's not possible. That scene is dead, man. Nothing exciting ever happens—such as, just throwing it out there, a dance performance. I have yet to see a dance performance rock something as lame as the library. Mark my words: I never will. And their books are so… booky; I just got this kick-ass Kindle, and I wanna fucking use it. God, the library! Shakes fist!
Ex-employee of Filter: I thought I knew you.
Huh. Seems the library lists many of its services below. But I'm not going to read it—those libraries and their boring "lists." However, I will quickly scan for those items highlighted in white. But I'm quite skeptical nothing will pique my interest, as my aforementioned gripes about the library's deficiencies still stand.
Okay… "Free Wi-Fi." Hmm, not bad—I suppose I could update my Twitter from my iPod Touch. Library: You win this battle, but the war is not over.
Huh. "Download Music And Audio Books," you say? I don't know what a music book is, but color me marginally intrigued.
And there's OMFG, DANCE PERFORMANCES!!1!1
Library, I do apologize for misjudging you. And thank you, disgruntled Urban Outfitters employee, for showing me the error of my ways. Blue Line Operator: To the library!
