We’ll miss you, Craigslist erotic services page
Now where will Chicago find a prostitute with free parking?
This is what's at stake.
Well, Craigslist's erotic services, it looks like this is goodbye. We had some really great times together, but since you were recently shut down amid pressure from Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan and Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart, I guess we’ll have to find ads for “massage sessions” somewhere else.
Sure, Craigslist may have helped us form Christian rock bands and purchase R. Kelly’s Space Jam artifacts, but erotic services page, you were Craigslist’s spectacular underbelly: a land replete with those weird star and heart characters, where alternating between lower and upper cases was a clever marketing gimmick, and where one could find shot after shot of bare asses and/or bulges without even trying.
I'm with adult-entertainment attorney J.D. Obenberger on this one. These so-called “Internet brothels” were a glorious exercise of our First Amendment rights and as American as apple pie. What isn’t more patriotic than dimming the lights, turning on Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless The U.S.A.,” and perusing the erotic listings of Chicago’s finest escorts? Damn you, Madigan—why do you hate freedom of speech? Did you notice there were far more erotic listings than job listings?
In any case, thank you, erotic page. Thank you for including so many entries with “free” and “very easy” parking, because how many times have we decided to buy a prostitute, but when we couldn’t find a space, thought “when will hookers start catering to my parking needs?”
Man, I hate goodbyes.
Thank you for so many “Mother’s Day specials” and posts to “meet with a real MILF.”
And thank you “»-(¯`v´¯)T_h_E___(¯`v´¯)-»P_e_R_f_E_c_T ___»-(¯`v´¯)B_o_O_t_Y,” “UNCONVENTIONAL DOMINANT MISTRESS,” and “The Juicy Booty Explosion,” who always implored us to “come get this candy before it run’s [sic] out.” Looks like the candy ran out, Ms. Booty Explosion. Damn, I’m gonna miss you guys.
Farewell, old friend. I guess we’ll all have to resort to the other 345,000 sites that serve the exact same purpose, or wait until next week, when Gorilla Tango's on-the-spot Craigslist satire Craigshow opens.
