Blog Yes they can: 6 Chicagoans fit to manage Obama's social-media accounts

The Democratic National Committee recently announced an opening among White House staff, as current presidential social networks manager Mia Cambronero has vacated her position. The official job description requires applicants to have "excellent writing and editing skills with strong attention to detail," among other things, and have "experience using social media for organizing." Never one to pass up the chance to put a neighbor in a position of power, The A.V. Club prepared its own list of potential candidates for the job.

Kanye West
Although Kanye has managed to court controversy at least once a year since 2005 (in which he memorably made experienced improviser and Austin Powers creator Mike Myers completely speechless during a Katrina fundraiser), the biggest strike against him arguably is a blog post he made last May harshly denouncing Twitter. More specifically, he rails against fans posing as him on the ubiquitous microblogging utility and its users at large, stating—in an ice-blue caps-lock screed—that, "I'M TOO BUSY ACTUALLY BEING CREATIVE MOST OF THE TIME," and wondering aloud, "WHY WOULD I USE TWITTER???" 

Typical post: Despite West's constant creativity, he finds time to pry himself away from his spaceship to toss up posts about whatever's catching his attention at the moment: Be it how diamond-encrusted pendants of human heads are made,  McDonald's commercials that he likes, or fashionista snapshots of ladies on the catwalk.

Qualified?: Kanye's attacks on the status quo rarely, if ever, leave any lasting damage. He would be a crapshoot hire—assuming he'd be willing to embrace Twitter and learn proper capitalization and punctuation—but he'd definitely get people's attention and, as the application requires, he "knows what actions will achieve the right impact at the right time."

Tom Morello
As guitarist for famously outspoken rockers Rage Against The Machine, the Libertyville native's combination of savage riffs and textbook smarts (Morello holds a bachelor of arts in political science from Harvard) introduced a nation of high schoolers to righteous political indignation before bolting for Audioslave, The Nightwatchman, and Street Sweeper Social Club. Morello's later musical projects vary considerably from his old band, but he remains intensely involved on the progressive front, actively using his Twitter account to promote political action and social change while plugging bands he likes (and bemoaning his fandom of two hilariously shitty teams).

Typical post: "glen beck has book called 'common sense' co-opting paine's revolutionary work. Tom paine would punch that smug jerkoff in the fucking nose"

Qualified?: Mostly. Morello's 40,000-to-250 follower-to-following ratio shows leadership potential, but because he's never fronted a full band, Morello may lack the requisite managerial experience (aside from delegating responsibility for his MySpace and Facebook accounts).

Erich "Mancow" Muller
Not afraid to tackle thorny issues, be it the lameness of Fred Durst or the cast of Jersey Shore, recently laid-off radio host Muller uses his Facebook page to claim he is on a "simple quest to do good" and that he "speaks to the positive" while using his blog and Twitter feed to take cheap shots at celebrity news of the day. His blog follows suit with short, quasi-philosophical ramblings. Muller's rapid-fire, sound-bite style seems naturally suited to Twitter, but "The Cow" gets a leg up in the competition by way of that most timeless of social networks: his good old-fashioned militia. (No word yet if they're printing their own currency.)

Typical post: "John Edwards will reportedly marry his mistress...put a veil over that face!" Take that, Rielle Hunter!

Qualified?: In theory yes, though his often hacky Twitter posts and mini-rants focus less on ideas and more on bad puns—never mind Muller's feelings toward his potential new boss.

Svengoolie
Decades of media experience. Avid supporter of the arts. Friend to small business. Works odd hours. Could there be a more perfect social-media manager than Svengoolie? His treasure trove of schlocky horror films has earned him national fame, but it doesn't have to end at mere celebrity: "This week on Svengoolie, we'll have Revenge Of The Creature in 3-D, followed by a roundtable discussion on the president's proposed tax reform for middle-class families!" Sadly, the reach of Sven's online presence seems to have exceeded his grasp: His posts are fairly lacking in content, and while Sven star Rich Koz has a sizable Facebook following, Svengoolie himself has been relegated to fan pages and tribute groups.

Typical post: "Svengoolie!"

Qualified?: Unfortunately, no. Svengoolie's multi-site presence shows promise, but most of them show a pattern of initial excitement followed by abrupt abandonment—Sven posted his last Twitter update October 10, and his last MySpace dispatch was a December 29 status post).

Bob Sirott
Considering his stints with at least one Chicago affiliate of every major network, it makes sense that multi-platform broadcaster Sirott's (surprisingly scant) list of 96 Facebook friends reads like a who's-who of Chicago media institutions: Dick Biondi, Art Norman, and Chet Coppock, to name a few—but Sirott's online presence doesn't extend past Facebook and a Twitter account plugging his upcoming radio shows.

Typical post: "noon show interview thursday with tony curtis on wgn radio am/720 and wgnradio.com did he really sleep with monroe? that'll be question 3!"

Qualified?: Marginally. His lack of a personal blog indicates an old-school, don't-give-it-away-for-free approach and his Twitter account lately exists primarily to promote wife Marianne Murciano's forthcoming Train A Man project—although this demonstrated willingness to advance his current boss's goals could give him an edge over other candidates.

Jay Cutler
Quarterback Jay Cutler threw 27 touchdowns and 26 interceptions in his debut season with the Chicago Bears, leading the team to a disappointment 7-9 season. Once anointed as the savior of the flaccid Bears offense, Cutler should perhaps cut his losses and become the savior of Obama’s social-media team. He’s mildly familiar with social networking—his Twitter page boasts more than 39,000 followers, his website allows fans to ask him tough questions (Favorite celebrity? Vince Vaughn), and his Facebook page features fan art reminiscent of the drawings seen on the now-defunct badpaintingsofbarackobama.com. 

Typical post: Cutler’s writing style ranges from dreadfully drab to unexciting, but monotonous. Worse, he's too effective at suppressing his infamous surliness when tweeting. Would it kill him to lash out after a loss, like “That Adrian Peterson is a little twerp. I quit football”?

Qualified?: Not at all. Cutler’s totally incapable of one of the key qualifications, “crafting messages that move people to act.” Which is too bad, because the sports-loving Obama could spice up his rhetoric with a few football metaphors: “Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack is the Larry Fitzgerald of the U.S. Cabinet” or “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy is about as spotty as the Detroit Lions secondary.”