June 30th, 2008
8. Chely Wright, "The Bumper Of My SUV"
As far as jingoistic songs go, Chely Wright's "The Bumper Of My SUV" is pretty tame, essentially an examination of blue-red relations. Still, it's pretty hilarious: A woman in a mini-van gives Wright the finger, and Wright assumes it's because she has a U.S. Marines bumper sticker on her SUV. Hey Chely, maybe it's because you're taking up two lanes or wasting what's left of the earth's petroleum. Who knew that pro-America country singers—with especially overwrought Southern accents—hated minivans and private school?
9. Darryl Worley, "Have You Forgotten"
Americans are still confused enough to assume a connection between Iraq and Sept. 11, and while most of the blame for that rests with the Bush administration, Darryl Worley also deserves a nice, warm seat in Hell for the timely propaganda of "Have You Forgotten." Released the same month the U.S. invaded Iraq, the song shot to number one by capturing the tenor of the times, which was overflowing with love of flag, country, and songs telling whiny, peace-preachin' hippies to shut the fuck up. In the first chorus, Worley sings, "Have you forgotten how it felt that day, to see your homeland under fire and her people blown away? And you say we shouldn't worry 'bout bin Laden, have you forgotten?" By the second chorus, Worley claims, "we vowed to get the ones behind bin Laden." Then Worley makes his final case: "Some say this country's just out looking for a fight / After 9/11, man, I'd have to say that's right." Even Donald Rumsfeld wasn't this effective at substituting Iraq for bin Laden in the public's mind.
10. Merle Haggard, "Fightin' Side Of Me"
On "Okie From Muskogee," Merle Haggard offered up a tongue-in-cheek reactionary ode to middle American values that was accepted, sans irony, by the very people it was satirizing. By the time of "Fightin' Side Of Me" Haggard decided he didn't need irony, either, and instead embraced full-on "love it or leave it" jingoism. Actually, make that "love it or me and my fishin' buddies will turn your face into blood sausage," especially if you're a "squirrelly guy who claims he just don't believe in fightin'." Hag believes in free speech, he just doesn't like people "harpin' on the wars we fight" and "gripin' 'bout the way things oughta be." At least he's kind enough to lay out the conditions for his nationalistic beatdowns.
11. Randy Travis, "America Will Always Stand"
There's nothing really wrong with the sentiments of Randy Travis' post-9/11 song "America Will Always Stand." It's just that, like so many self-consciously patriotic songs, it's just too easy. Travis sounds as if working from a checklist: Reference to Old Glory? Check. Hat tip to our fighting forces? Check. Faintly martial drumbeat during the fade-out? You got it. The song is the musical equivalent of saying "I love America" without really explaining why.
12. Lynyrd Skynyrd, "Red, White And Blue"
This 2003 song from Lynyrd Skynyrd, or the band now calling itself Lynyrd Skynyrd, begins as a paean to working-class values, as singer Johnny Van Zant asserts that he's just as cool hanging out with a "waitress busting ass in some liquor stand" as with lawyers and Texas oilmen. Seems his hair is turning white, his neck has always been red, and his collar is still blue. But the song takes a weird turn toward the end, when he talks about working hard, loving his family, and paying his taxes, then concludes that if "they don't like it, they can just get the hell out." Who's "they"? Slackers? Tax evaders? Family-haters? Anyone that doesn't look like Van Zant? The song lets listeners draw their own conclusions. (He couldn't mean people recently arrested for failing to register as sex offenders after being convicted of capital sexual battery against little girls, like former Skynyrd drummer Artimus Pyle, could he?)
13. Len Doolin, "There Ain't No Yellow In The Red White & Blue"
This playful boogie number sounds a little too happy that terrorists attacked America—like Len Doolin was just waiting to start a little piano-led ass-whuppin' when the time came. It's telling that the song is virtually impossible to find now, with no YouTube video and no iTunes download. (You can find it via Len's MySpace page, or if you want his entire disc, it's available starting at 75 cents on Amazon.) The song itself is almost playfully gung-ho, with the kind of lyrics somebody poking fun at 9/11 songs might write: "They're tryin' to destroy the American way / But the USA is here to stay / We may bend, but we won't break / That's where they made their big mistake."
14. Sammy Hagar, "VOA"
On its own, the title track of Sammy Hagar's 1984 album is an entertaining, though unremarkable, relic of the Cold War, a mix of jingoism and meathead-rocker bravado: "You push too hard, you're gonna fall / we got 50 million rockers / we're all on guard!" But the song's video transforms Hagar's hard-rockin' saber-rattling into delicious high camp wrapped in parachute pants. Like VOA's album cover, the video begins with Hagar parachuting into the White House, then bam, he's in secret-agent mode, in hot pursuit of some Soviet/Arab baddies. The awkwardly choreographed fights, the off-time lip-synching, Hagar's ludicrous outfit and hair, which scream "Filmed in the '80s!"… It's hard to imagine how anyone ever thought this was a good idea.
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