BP: You guys are the biggest band in the world, but you've never been at the Grammys or other music-award shows. Why is that?
NE: We've been invited. We forget. People ask me all the time, "How do you become the number-one metal band in the world?" And I say, "Be organized. Know where you're supposed to go, and you'll be on top of everything." You know what? We don't need awards. I mean, we'd like them, but you have to go and pick 'em up, and do a ceremony? Fuck that. What am I gonna do, go down to like, Glendale High School and sit through their fuckin' graduation ceremony so I get a piece of cake? Free cake? Fuck that.
Nathan Explosion On The Difficulty Of Attending Awards Shows
BP: Do you have a lot of tattoos?
NE: I just can't make up my mind. These days it's hard. Everyone's got a tattoo, and they've got kind of similar tattoos, so how do you stand out of a crowd with your tattoo? I would maybe get a Dethklok tattoo, just to push that…
BP: You'd get a tattoo of your own band?
NE: Actually, you know what? You're right. I wouldn't get that. I would get a tattoo of myself, though. Like, somehow, my entire body lengthwise around my bicep.
BP: Skwisgaar, you're the fastest guitarist in the world, and Toki's the second-fastest. Who do you think the third-, fourth-, and fifth-fastest guitarists are?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Oh, oh, this is one of that questions that I hates to answer because numbers one, it takes the focus off my fingers and my guitar-playing, and number two, I don't likes to listens to nobodies else.
BP: You don't know who's right behind you? Is it Yngwie Malmsteen, or Michael Angelo Batio?
SS: Michael Angelo is one of the fastest guitars players out there, so I think he mights beat Toki, to be honest. Genius scientists from Harvards are the ones who figured out that I am the fastest guitar players alive. In a think tanks in Harvard University, they figured out. And then they gives Toki the gift of second guitarist fastest. But he's not. He's not very good, no. But maybes Michael Angelos, or Yngwie Malmscreams, maybe…
BP: How do you stay faster than those guys?
SS: Every nights, before I go to bed, I have a long conversations with my hands. I say to them, "Hey, there's hands on lots of people out there that want your jobs!" It's all personal motivations. And treating your hands as two different peoples. Like when you fly on a plane, buy them an extra seat.
Skwisgaar Skwisgelf On Being The Fast Guitarist Alive
BP: So when you guys are out on the road, and you're on the tour bus, what do you watch on DVD to cheer you up or to make you laugh?
NE: One of my favorite shows is Lockdown. You know that show? Lockdown? With the prisons?
BP: Is it funny? It sounds funny.
NE: Oh, it's hilarious. It's like it's a National Geographic show, and some of the best ones are with the ladies in prison. And it's just, it's funny. It's well-written.
BP: So after a rough day, that's what you watch?
NE: After a set, when I'm winding down, I just like to watch women with homemade shivs stabbing each other in the shower. It just makes me laugh.
BP: Should that be on Comedy Central?
NE: It's better than the American Office. The American Office is surprisingly good, but Lockdown is funnier.
Nathan Explosion On Relaxing TV Shows
BP: Who would win in a one-armed knife fight: Bruce Dickinson or Dio? The singer from Arch Enemy or the singer from Krokus? Pickles or Rick Allen from Def Leppard?
NE: Dio is more wiry and very quick, so maybe he would win. But then again, Bruce Dickinson was a master fencer. But then again, I'm pretty sure Dio is a wizard. But he wouldn't be able to use his wizarding powers in a knife fight, would he? Dickinson would win. Or Dio. It would be a tie. Angela from Arch Enemy would win easily. She's hot and tough. She would even kill me in a knife fight. And if Pickles is sober, he'd win, but if he's been drinking, he'd be knifed and bleed vodka and it would be like an open bar.
BP: You make billions a year. What do you spend it on?
NE: That's the question. What do you do? What do you get? Because you have to. You gotta buy stuff. We all want to get the iPhone, but we're all locked into our plans for the next five or six years, so we got screwed. So no lie, we can buy 'em, but we can't use 'em. Or we'll still have to pay for our regular phone bill, so that's kinda brutal. When you make a certain amount of money, you gotta put it somewhere. Sometimes it's a good tax write-off if you just lose a bunch of money, so I'll invest in, uh, meat infested with mad-cow disease. They made a recall of like 300,000 pounds of beef this week, then I called my stockbroker and I said, "Buy!" Just get it out of your pocket. Put it somewhere.
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