Raga Muffins Muffin Mix
No, these muffins do not have anything to do with reggae offshoots. Instead, they presumably have something to do with poor, ragged children who can't afford better muffins. Still, the simplistic little cartoon girl on every box looks happy, even if her muffins aren't "blueberry" or "apple cinnamon" so much as generi-muffins "with artificial apple and cinnamon flavored nuggets." Yum. With a pitch that appealing, no wonder their brand mascot is a disheveled street kid.
Scariest-sounding ingredient: "Tumeric Extracts."
Worth the price? Unlike most dollar-store delectables, these muffins have to be mixed and baked instead of just eaten out of the box. It probably isn't worth it—people who want to put in that much effort buy real grocery-store food.
Gummi Lunch
For a dollar, buyers get two bottles of gummi cola, a gummi hot dog, a gummi hamburger, five slices of gummi pizza, a box of sour gummi fries, and a gummi donut. (Doesn't that last item make it more of a "Gummi Brunch"?) Aside from conflicting opinions on the spelling of "gummi"—some of the items here use the bastardized "y" form—this is an impressive feat of confectionary miniaturization. It almost seems like an affront to gummi artisans to eat these pliable little works of art. So we didn't.
Scariest-sounding ingredient: "Titanium Dioxide."
Worth the price? If your kids lose the plastic food in their kitchen play-set, here's a way to restock on the cheap.
Mrs. Butterworth's Little Dunkers Syrup Dipping Cups
So it's come to this. Kids who can't get through a school lunch or a backyard picnic without dipping their food in syrup finally have a prepackaged option, in the form of little tubs of transportable syrup. But since the world's few syrup-craving foods, such as waffles and pancakes, don't really package and travel well, did the world need this product? Maybe the kids are expected to skip the pancakes and just do syrup shots.
Scariest-sounding ingredient: "Sodium Hexametaphosphate."
Worth the price? Six tubs of syrup is a lot for a dollar. But this product won't feel worth the price until someone invents Little Dunkers Crunchy Individually-Wrapped Lunchtime Pancake Sticks.
Too Tarts SmartChoice Gween Apple Sour Blast Spray Candy
For those who want the experience of taking Chloraseptic without actually getting a sore throat, pick up this odd little spray bottle, which contains a slightly acidic apple-flavored water. Squirt it in your mouth. It's like ingesting a fine mist of Capri Sun.
Scariest-sounding ingredient: "Acesulfame K."
Worth the price? It's worth it for the reading material alone. In the spirit of the candy's overloaded name, the package features a torrent of words, from the banner that lets customers know that this is a "bonus bottle" with "60% more!" to the information that a portion of the proceeds from any sales will go to the American Diabetes Association. It's a rare sweet that makes you think.
Stars & Stripes Play Maker Sports Drink With Electrolytes—Big League Orange
What hath the University Of Florida wrought? Ever since the athletic department developed Gatorade in 1965, rival companies have tried to position their electrolyte-enhanced drinks as more athlete-friendly. Stars & Stripes' dark-orange, suspiciously punchy-looking beverage courts patriots and people with "attitude"—the former via an American flag, and the latter via contradictory buzz phrases like "Bring It!" and "Not In My House!"
Scariest-sounding ingredient: "Glycerol Ester Of Wood Rosin."
Worth the price? This may be the heaviest 20-ounce bottle on the market, so that's a plus—unless you're looking for a light, replenishing post-workout drink, in which case this thick, syrupy brew might leave you too sluggish.
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