August 25th, 2008
1. Principal Vernon in The Breakfast Club
The Breakfast Club wasn't content to narrow just the students down to broad stereotypes: In addition to the brain, the athlete, the basket case, the princess, and the criminal, there's Principal Richard "Dick" Vernon, the frustrated ex-jock. He can't stand looking bad in front of the students, and "criminal" Judd Nelson pushes all of his pro-authority buttons. He even tries to provoke Nelson into punching him—after locking him in a utility closet and threatening to find him and kick his ass, of course.
2. Olivier Castro-Staal in Six Feet Under
Throughout Six Feet Under, Claire Fisher is forever in pursuit of the "life of an artist"— exactly the kind of naïve, ill-defined goal that makes her easy prey for the likes of Olivier Castro-Staal, professor of the equally vague "Form And Space" class she enrolls in at LAC-Arts. With his open contempt for authority and penchant for grand declarations like "An artist never questions her right to experience everything the world has to offer," Olivier charms Claire into becoming his assistant by promising to introduce her to a world of exciting nonconformity and visceral experience. Which is nothing compared to the seductive trip he lays on her boyfriend Russell, whom he screws while Claire is out running one of his selfish, degrading errands. Over time, both Claire and Russell start to see Olivier for who he really is: an arrogant, self-pitying child who never quite got over not becoming a famous artist, and who regularly takes it out on his students. And although he (slightly) redeems himself by recommending Claire for a job, his true feelings are revealed when he tells her, "You were my student and my assistant. Now we're competition."
3-6. Mrs. Krabappel, Miss Hoover, Principal Skinner, and Superintendent Chalmers in The Simpsons
While Principal Skinner periodically leaps Sisyphean hurdles to keep Springfield Elementary going, the entire staff deserves some blame for the school's condition, as a shameful place where low test scores (and row after row of ugly, ugly children) abound, the few intelligent students are openly resented and frequently exploited, and kids are only inspired when they're serving as free test-marketers for a toy company. Of course, it's all too easy to point fingers at the teachers themselves: Edna Krabappel and Elizabeth Hoover are both pictures of institutionalized apathy, worn down by lack of funds, far past pretending to take interest in their students' performance (and in Miss Hoover's case, annoyed with those who excel), and primarily interested in sneaking cigarettes in the teachers' lounge. But as with any bureaucracy, incompetence trickles down from on high, and the worst of all might just be Superintendent Chalmers, whose intense dislike of disorder serves as a mask for his own considerable detachment: Surveying the anarchy of Ned Flanders' brief, chaotic reign as principal, Chalmers shrugs, "The way America's public schools are sliding, they'll all be this way in a few months. I say lay back and enjoy it! It's a hell of a toboggan ride!"
7-8. Principal Togar in Rock 'N' Roll High School/Vice Principal Vadar in Rock 'N' Roll High School Forever
Pity the principal that goes up against the forces of rock 'n' roll—whether those forces come in the form of the Ramones or, um, Corey Feldman's band The Eradicators. In Rock 'N' Roll High School, über-strict Principal Evelyn Togar calls the police on the rockin' students of Vince Lombardi High, and even takes away their ringleader's Ramones tickets. The students' response? Stage a Ramones concert on the school lawn, then blow up the school. By Rock 'N' Roll High School Forever, Principal Togar has increased her strength (and insanity) tenfold. She's now Vice Principal Vadar, and she rules with an iron fist—literally: She has a prosthetic metal hand (and a prosthetic whip hand) that she uses to intimidate the rockers at Ronald Reagan High. But rock (and Corey Feldman) will not be stopped: In the end, the school gets blown up again.
9. Vic Racine on My So-Called Life
Mr. Racine, Angela Chase's substitute English teacher, wore clashing socks, chomped on toothpicks, hosted classroom writing sessions by candlelight, insisted his students call him "Vic," and encouraged them to write with honesty, even if that honesty lead to poetry with phrases like, "he tastes my juicy sweetness." In short, he was a cool teacher—not to mention an inspirational one. He even figured out that Jordan Catalano looked so dopey not because his choker was too tight, but because he didn't know how to read. Still, it's easier to teach honesty than to practice it. Turns out "Vic Racine" was an alias, and the inspirational substitute teacher had abandoned his family, and was wanted for back payment of child support. Still, Mr. Racine was an effective teacher in that he taught Angela that heroes aren't perfect, and to never, ever trust anyone who obsessively chews toothpicks.
10. Everyone in The Faculty
Strict teachers and principals like Bebe Neuwirth in The Faculty can be such jerks, especially when they've been infected by an alien parasite that's taken over their brains, and they're sending all of the students for mandatory health inspections so the school nurse (Salma Hayek) can slip alien parasites into their ears. Luckily, there's a way to combat such jerky, alien-infected high-school faculty members: drugs—specifically, Bic pens full of cocaine. Thus The Faculty is the only movie where openly dealing drugs in high school will get the faculty off your back.
11. Mr. Hand in Fast Times At Ridgemont High
Mr. Hand at least turns out to be interested in his students' welfare by the end of Fast Times At Ridgemont High, but he's still a hard-ass largely for the sake of being a hard-ass, and he seems more interested in establishing his dominance than actually teaching: When Sean Penn shows up late to class on the first day, Mr. Hand (played by Ray Walston), tears up his schedule card and sends him to his office. Mr. Hand also looks down on all of his students, assuming they're on dope. (Granted, they probably are.)
12. Michel Delassalle in Diabolique
Usually, European boarding schools are associated with the finest a continental education can offer. Not so with the run-down, crumbling school run by headmaster Michel Delassalle (played with maximum oiliness by Paul Meurisse) in Henri-Georges Clouzot's suspense classic Diabolique. The grounds are in ill repair, the professors—like the perfectly named Mssr. Drain—are incompetents and time-servers, the kids smoke and harass the staff, and Delassalle himself is a monster who mistreats his wife and openly carries on an affair. Even the two women who are supposed to love him are plotting his demise. He's such an uncaring administrator that the school seemingly would only get better if he disappeared, but in fact, it gets much, much worse.
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