11. "I Heard It Through The Grapevine"
"Grapevine" presents the strongest argument for covers, as Motown songwriters Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong shopped it to several artists before anyone bit, and three different versions became hits (Gladys Knight & The Pips in 1967, Marvin Gaye in 1968, and, uh, The California Raisins in 1987). Regardless, it basically remains Gaye's, and renditions by groups like The Average White Band, Kaiser Chiefs, Michael McDonald, Psychic TV, and, uh, Señor Soul are patently inessential.
12. "Tainted Love"
Another journeyman of a song, "Tainted Love" began life back in 1964 when Ed Cobb wrote it for soul singer Gloria Jones. It reappeared 11 years later with Ruth Swan, but for 26 years, it's been mostly associated with Soft Cell, who made it a staple of '80s pop. The dark electropop of that version make it a favorite among industrial and techno bands such as Coil, Deathline Int'l, Atrocity, and that paragon of clichéd rebellion, Marilyn Manson. His "dark" and "twisted" video for the song is guilty of a number of crimes, perhaps none worse than the image of his "goth thug" vanity license plate.
13. "Rebel Rebel"
Supposedly David Bowie's most covered song, "Rebel Rebel" has lived a long, full life since he debuted it on Diamond Dogs in 1974—so full, in fact, that Bowie retired it after a 1990 tour (though he inexplicably rerecorded it in 2003). Even had Bowie let sleeping dogs lie, plenty of other bands have it covered. And really, who wouldn't want to hear Dead Or Alive's take on it? Or let Bryan Adams rework it? Duran Duran maybe? Def Leppard? Seu Jorge, you get a pass.
14. "99 Red Balloons"
No other song better embodies '80s musical nostalgia than Nena's "99 Red Balloons"—ahem, "99 Luftballons"—and for that reason alone, it deserves retirement. Not enough? How about a slew of terrible covers by the likes of Reel Big Fish and Goldfinger, or a Harry Potter-themed version called "99 Death Eaters" by Draco And The Malfoys, or the raved-up version by Airbag? Maybe that isn't enough: When VH1 Classic auctioned airtime for Hurricane Katrina victims in 2006, one viewer donated $35,000 for the station to play Nena's video continuously for an hour.
15. "Rock And Roll All Nite"
If cover songs make statements, this one says, "We just like to fuckin' party, bro. Go to the lake, take the T-top panels off, spark one up, and just get wild! Ooooowwwwwoooooooo!" (It's best if you imagine Matthew McConaughey in Dazed And Confused saying that.) Or, to use Paul Stanley's introduction at the 1996 Video Music Awards: "Everywhere around the world, we try to tell people: There are no borders, there are no prime ministers, there are no presidents, there's only one nation: That's Kiss nation! There's only one rock 'n' roll national anthem: 'Rock And Roll All Nite,' party every day!" It's tough to argue with that logic, but bands, take note: It's inhumane to subject the world to more Kiss… especially if you're recasting it as ska (SKAndalous All-Stars) or dance-pop (Daytona).
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