We spend a lot of time considering the good and bad points of pop culture here at The A.V. Club. But sometimes you just have to declare things the best. At other times, you have to go even further and declare things the absolute best, which is what we're doing in our first-ever Absolute Best feature. Some points can be argued, but when it comes to the Best Unintentionally Hilarious Anti-PCP Blaxploitation Musical Starring A Camp Icon, there can only be one. And we know what that is.
Best Unintentionally Hilarious Anti-PCP Blaxploitation Musical Starring A Camp Icon: Avenging Disco Godfather
In a wonderfully misguided attempt to broaden his audience, self-proclaimed "King Of The Party Records" Rudy Ray Moore tried to exploit the already-fading disco craze with a 1980 musical action-thriller, Avenging Disco Godfather, filled with hysterical anti-PCP sermonizing that makes Reefer Madness look restrained by comparison. The result is a singularly insane kitchen-sink melodrama chockablock with wooden disco sequences, hilariously stilted acting, amateurish PCP freak-outs, and a poverty-row Grand Guignol sensibility rivaled only by…
Runner-up: Death Drug
Philip Michael Thomas' similarly deranged 1978 anti-angel dust manifesto, Death Drug, which is rendered even more deliciously ridiculous by an opportunistic '80s video release that incongruously tacks on music-video footage from Thomas' Miami Vice-era heyday in a shameless attempt to boost the actor's musical career. It's almost enough to make audiences want to fire up a sherm stick.
Best R&B Hit Song About Cunnilingus: "Red Light Special," TLC
TLC's Babyface-written "Red Light Special" might just be the most subtly subversive celebration of female sexuality in recent R&B history. Set to a slow-burning groove redolent of burning vanilla candles and empty bottles of Hennessey, the song beckons would-be suitors to "Take the southern route" before issuing orders not to go "too fast" or "too slow." Like their homegirl Goldilocks, the assertive gals of TLC won't settle for anything less than just right.
Runner-up: "My Neck, My Back," Khia
Where "Red Light Special" oozes playful sexuality, Khia's "My Neck, My Back" barks out orders to "Lick it nice, lick it good, lick it like you know you should" like the world's sexiest drill sergeant against the rinky-dink backdrop of a sleazy Casio strip-club beat.
Best Self-Deprecating Cameo By A Washed-up Teen Star: Neil Patrick Harris, Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
Neil Patrick Harris' giddily unselfconscious self-parody as an Ecstasy-happy strip-club horndog on an endless search for kicks fits in perfectly with the deceptively clever goofiness of Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle. The role helped revitalize Harris' career, while simultaneously spoofing the desperation and debauchery prevalent among the ex-child-star contingent.
Runner-up: Dustin Diamond, Made
Dustin Diamond's Made cameo didn't do anywhere near as much for his career, but it did serve as a perfect visual punchline, as hapless losers Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau prove themselves comically unable to make it among the Manhattan smart set that embraces even a D-lister like Diamond.
Best Prank Pulled By Nerds In A Campus Comedy: the popcorn, Real Genius
The nerds at Pacific Tech employ their big brains for many ingenious shenanigans—"smart people on ice," the improvised pool party with student beauticians, parking a brand-new sports car inside a dorm room—but it all comes together in the grand finale, when they pull a prank that's ironic, whimsical, touching, and socially conscious all at the same time. Having been duped by their professor into creating a laser powerful enough to zap someone from outer space, the nerds respond by turning the weapon on his newly remodeled house and destroying it the Jiffy Pop way.
Runner-up: sorority raid, Revenge Of The Nerds
Not the cleverest prank, but a classic, because it operates on two levels, balancing the short-term fun of a panty raid with the long-term payoff of surveillance cameras. Booger: "We've got bush!"
Best Appearance By A Weirdo Guest On David Letterman: Crispin Glover
David Letterman's unflappability has defused all sorts of crazy guests over the years (see below), but even he has his limits. During an infamous three-minute appearance in 1987 to promote River's Edge, a whacked-out Glover strutted onstage wearing a blond wig and platform shoes from Rubin & Ed, his obscure indie buddy picture with Howard Hesseman. He also brought along some sort of case, the contents of which (à la Pulp Fiction) were never revealed. The volatile atmosphere turned ugly when Glover suddenly challenged Letterman to an arm-wrestling match, and delivered a roundhouse kick inches from his face. Cut to commercial.
Runner-up: Harmony Korine
The indie enfant terrible appeared three times on Letterman before getting banned for shoving Meryl Streep in the Green Room. Letterman described him best in a 1998 appearance: "This is why they invented childproof caps."
Best Return To Form After A Hideous Losing Streak (film edition): Robert Altman, The Player
The extent of Altman's fallow period before his comeback with 1992's The Player has been a little overstated, given that he entered the '90s with several small-scale creative successes, including The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial, Vincent & Theo, and the brilliant HBO series Tanner '88. And yet he needed The Player—a witty, star-studded, claws-out piece of anti-Hollywood misanthropy—to shake off a grim '80s run that began with H.E.A.L.T.H. and Popeye, and included the likes of O.C. And Stiggs, Beyond Therapy, and the notoriously pretentious, auteur-killing anthology Aria.
Runner-up: Nicolas Roeg, The Witches
Speaking of Aria, Roeg (Don't Look Now) also scraped bottom with his contribution (featuring his wife Theresa Russell in male drag as an Albanian king), and didn't fully recover until this shockingly dark, twisted 1990 adaptation of Roald Dahl's novel. Then the once-great director resumed his tailspin, never to recover.
Best Return To Form After A Hideous Losing Streak (music edition): Neil Young, Freedom
Re-ac-tor, Trans, Everybody's Rockin', Landing On Water, This Note's For You… Young strung together so many egregious misfires during his "experimental" '80s period that label head David Geffen famously tried to sue him for deliberately sabotaging their contractual relationship. Then the slumbering giant finally awoke with 1989's Freedom, an impassioned statement of purpose framed by the political anthem "Rockin' In The Free World" and filled with tender gems like "Hangin' On A Limb" and "Wrecking Ball." Like Robert Altman, another artist who peaked in the '70s and ebbed in the '80s, Young wasn't ready to be written off.
Runner-up: Johnny Cash, American Recordings
It isn't that Johnny Cash was doing poor work in the '80s. It's just that he wasn't doing work that played to his natural strengths, and no one was paying attention anyway. By paring Cash's sound to its essentials and partnering him with sympathetic songs, producer Rick Rubin renewed the icon for another generation with this 1994 comeback.
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