JUNE 1
Knocked Up
What it's about: Writer-director Judd Apatow and his 40-Year-Old Virgin/Freaks And Geeks/Undeclared cohort Seth Rogen make the summer safe for slacker comedy again via this raunchy, riotous movie about Rogen's reaction to impending fatherhood (with Grey's Anatomy's Katherine Heigl as the mother).
Why it might be worth seeing in theaters: Advance word is that some of the sex and pregnancy scenes are disgustingly hilarious in a way that you'll want to share with hundreds of strangers in a darkened room.
Why you're probably better off waiting for the DVD: A 132-minute comedy might play better with frequent breaks to go to the can and/or get another beer.
Possible special feature: Knowing Apatow? The 182-minute version.
Hot Rod
What it's about: SNL's Andy Samberg plays a "self-proclaimed stuntman" who stages a tremendous stunt to raise money so his abusive step-dad can have a heart operation.
Why it might be worth seeing in theaters: Frankly, it sounds too odd not to see in the theater. Also, Will Arnett's in it.
Why you're probably better off waiting for the DVD: In a post labeled "The next Freddy Got Fingered," IMDB.com user "KingHater" calls it a "BOMB." And that's in all caps, which makes it inherently more authoritative than lowercase.
Possible special feature: There's a better-than-good chance that Samberg and director Akiva Schaffer will contribute some digital shorts.
Mr. Brooks
What it's about: Kevin Costner plays a guy who's pretty nice except for two things: He's got a split personality (played by William Hurt) that wants him to kill people, and occasionally he listens to it.
Why it might be worth seeing in theaters: Are you kidding? Costner! Hurt! Demi Moore! With that cast, you have to go! Oh, wait. Is it no longer 1992?
Why you're probably better off waiting for the DVD: Because if it sucks, you can always put in a Mel Brooks movie. That guy's hilarious!
Possible special feature: Co-star Dane Cook is rumored to be preparing Brooksgasm, a 10-part series of between-scenes japes, pranks, and cut-uppery that should rock, dude.
JUNE 8
Ocean's 13
What it's about: Steven Soderbergh desperately needs money to make more digital films with non-professional actors about glum Midwestern factory workers, so Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and a star-studded supporting cast are back as glamorous crooks forced to pull off another heist for wildly expectorating Oscar-winner Al Pacino.
Why it might be worth seeing in theaters: Soderbergh knows how to make superior popcorn escapist fare, and Ocean's 13 promises a breezily enjoyable night out, provided it's nothing like his Ocean's 12.
Why you're probably better off waiting for the DVD: The behind-the-scenes bonus footage of the cast goofing around in exotic locales will probably be just as entertaining as the onscreen footage of popular movie stars goofing around in exotic locales.
Possible special feature: In a stunning audio-commentary confession, Soderbergh reveals that the Ocean's movies were actually directed by his little-known, mainstream-leaning identical twin Donald Soderbergh.
Surf's Up
What it's about: Shia LaBeouf voices an attitudinal surfing penguin in a CGI mockumentary about—oh dear—a group of wacky animals voiced by celebrities. (Jon Heder, Zooey Deschanel, James Woods, Jeff Bridges, and more.)
Why it might be worth seeing in theaters: It'll look prettier on the big screen. And all those inevitable soundtrack-padding pop and hip-hop hits will sound better coming from the big-ass multiplex speakers.
Why you're probably better off waiting for the DVD: If you have kids, renting or buying a DVD is cheaper than buying a bunch of $10 movie tickets. If you don't have kids, renting or buying a DVD is less shameful than sitting alone and looking like a creep at an animated children's movie.
Possible special feature: Footage of the animators running up to the crew of Happy Feet at an animation awards festival, yelling "Yoink! Got your character designs!" and running away.
JUNE 15
Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer
What it's about: The cast of the 2005 it's-a-comic-book-movie-so-we-might-as-well-see-it hit Fantastic Four returns to face a plethora of formidable foes, including Dr. Doom (Julian McMahon), the Silver Surfer (voiced by Laurence Fishburne), and presumably the Surfer's boss, Galactus.
Why it might be worth seeing in theaters: The Silver Surfer effects look cool, and the first film at least had some chemistry between Human Torch Chris Evans and Michael Chiklis' The Thing.
Why you're probably better off waiting for the DVD: The mute button removes Jessica Alba's flat line-readings without eliminating her more immediately pleasing qualities.
Possible special feature: An audio commentary of Marvel fanboys bitching about the film's rumored decision to render Galactus as a giant cloud. Come on! He's the freaking Eater Of Worlds! A cloud? What the hell?
Nancy Drew
What it's about: The prim, anachronistic junior sleuth (Emma Roberts) gets a '00s makeover when she moves to Los Angeles and tries to solve a Hollywood murder mystery.
Why it might be worth seeing in theaters: The Nancy Drew of the past has been updated to the new, the hip, and the now. Trouble is, the new, the hip, and the now might seem dated six months later.
Why you're probably better off waiting for the DVD: It doesn't look like more Spy Kids or Agent Cody Banks sequels are coming any time soon, so this baby-faced Bond should keep the kids occupied while you search for porn on the Internet.
Possible special feature: Would it too much to ask for the entire first season of Veronica Mars as an Easter egg?
JUNE 22
Evan Almighty
What it's about: In this sequel to the Jim Carrey vehicle Bruce Almighty, Steve Carell gets his Noah on after God (Morgan Freeman) instructs him to build an ark sturdy enough to survive a great storm.
Why it might be worth seeing in theaters: Are you really going to be able to appreciate the production values of what is reportedly the most expensive comedy of all time on your crappy little MacBook screen? We didn't think so.
Why you're probably better off waiting for the DVD: You can fast-forward through all the hokey, sentimental, sitcom-y parts—or roughly everything between the opening and closing credits.
Possible special feature: An itemized account of how the producers spent $175 million on a comedy sequel without the star of the original film; that'll probably be funnier than the movie.
JUNE 27
Live Free Or Die Hard
What it's about: When a computer-savvy bad guy shuts down the nation's fragile infrastructure, it's up to John McClane (Bruce Willis) to give him an old-fashioned analog ass-whupping.
Why it might be worth seeing in theaters: You know that part in the trailer where Bruce Willis jumps out of the cop car and the car hits a ramp and plows into a helicopter and the helicopter explodes and Bruce Willis is all like, "I was out of bullets"? That was awesome.
Why you're probably better off waiting for the DVD: Twelve years after a sequel that few people liked, which followed a sequel that fewer people liked, the Die Hard franchise now falls to the director of the Underworld movies, which nobody liked. Does this sound like $10 well spent?
Possible special feature: A preview for Die Hard 5, in which McClane teams up with Rocky Balboa, Indiana Jones, and Dirty Harry to calculate the tip for an early dinner at the Brown Derby.
JUNE 29
Ratatouille
What it's about: The latest CGI film from Pixar follows a Parisian rat (voiced by comedian Patton Oswalt) who wants to be a gourmet chef.
Why it might be worth seeing in theaters: It's the latest project of The Incredibles and The Iron Giant writer-director Brad Bird, probably the most promising creator working in animation today. It will be fabulously awesome. Or else.
Why you're probably better off waiting for the DVD: If for some unimaginable reason it isn't fabulously awesome, better to experience the crushing disappointment in the privacy of your own home.
Possible special feature: Extensive Disney-style nature-reference footage of real live rats that want to be gourmet chefs.
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