December 5th, 2007
For, Um, Someone Out There, Probably, We Think
Chumby ($180)
So what exactly is the purpose of the Chumby, the weird little padded Internet access device that manufacturers are trying to make into this year's must-have tech-wizard gadget? It's basically a keyless, handheld touchscreen device that's customizable with various programs, so it can become an alarm clock, play games, or watch your eBay auctions. Why not just use a laptop to perform the same functions, since it's being marketed at the tech-geeks who actually have the brains to take advantage of its hackability and write their own programs for it, and who therefore presumably already have computers? According to the Chumby website, "Sure, you can get the same information on your computer, but why be stuck behind a keyboard to enjoy your internet addictions?" As near as we can tell, the basic appeal for consumers is that it's kind of cute and soft, while the appeal for retailers is that unlike a TV or computer, it's always on, and it's connected to the advertiser-programmed "Chumby Network." Great, the chance to take ads with you wherever you go and pay for the privilege? Sign us up.
Find it at: store.chumby.com
For Anyone Who Loves Movies, America, And Heavy Square Boxes
Ford At Fox ($299)
This lavishly packaged, back-straining collection compiles the 24 films that director John Ford made for Fox between 1920 and 1952, from Just Pals through What Price Glory? Overkill? Well, it is John Ford, and anyone wanting to watch the evolution of the director who practically defined American filmmaking for half a century will appreciate having such an important chunk of his career in one place, all of it fitted out with considerable extras. (Not to mention all that nice packaging.) Those wanting their good things in smaller packages can buy boxes that split the collection into Ford's comedies, silent films, and a set called The Essential John Ford Collection. The latter is the best choice for fans on a budget, since it contains The Grapes Of Wrath, My Darling Clementine, How Green Was My Valley, Drums Along The Mohawk, and the feature-length documentary Becoming John Ford.
For Indie-Rock Fans Freezing In Their Thrift-Store Rags
K Records Mittens ($22)
Things associated with Olympia, Washington's K label (Saturday Looks Good To Me, The Microphones, etc.) tend to look and sound loveably tattered, furthering the stereotype that its music is by and for people in worn-in, faded clothes (preferably secondhand, of course). One exception: K's site promises its mittens, embroidered with the label's logo, have "a look that lasts." This might not gel with the blanched-out print of an old T-shirt, and you'd look cuter just muffling your hands in the sleeves of a high-school track-team hoodie from 1983, but how many new-attire splurge purchases can simultaneously keep you warm and amplify your cred-trumpeting?
For The Decadent Exotic Lurking Inside Every Holiday Celebrant
Masala Chocolates Festival Collection ($18)
If the giant Hershey's Kiss just isn't satiating your chocolate demons anymore, there are plenty of mom-and-pop choco-makers ready to put more time and care into creating the perfect treat. Masala Chocolates, out of Westminster, California, adds Eastern flavors to insanely rich chocolate: Their Festival collection—$18 for 15 pieces, available at masalachocolates.com—includes dark chocolate hearts with basil-honey filling, milk chocolate rectangles with curry-raisin filling, and white chocolates with pomegranate-orange blossom. It's a far cry from Russell-Stover. Other pieces available online include masala, sesame, cardamom, and chai.
For The Dog Lover Whose Wealth Far Exceeds "Asshole-ish" Heights
Innobitz's JooZoo ($1,500-$2,000)
Perhaps in an attempt to force the iPhone's obsolescence, Korean company Innobitz has introduced the JooZoo, a portable MP3 player for dogs. Sound extravagant? It is: It's only available in an 18k gold or diamond-strewn heart-shaped necklace with a built-in speaker. Without a headphone jack, the JooZoo can't even plausibly be used by humans: They'll just have to tolerate whatever tunes Rufus likes best. Another small caveat: JooZoo is only available in Korea, but that won't deter interested parties from hopping on a private plane and picking it up, along with the de rigueur Versace dog booties and sweaters.
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