The Simpsons Vs. Reading
Opponent's advantage: Passes along the acquired knowledge of civilization. Teaches future generations about mistakes and triumphs past so they may advance as human beings.
But The Simpsons… knows that books only work if people are reading them. Homer, representing the great unwashed American in all of us, doesn't read. Only Lisa considers it a worthwhile pursuit, and she's ridiculed for it.
Representative quote: Lisa: "List your three favorite books and how they have influenced your life." Homer: "Is TV Guide a book?"
The Simpsons Vs. Fandom
Opponent's advantage: Those who slavishly adore all things pop culture keep The Simpsons (not to mention The A.V. Club) in business.
But The Simpsons… knowingly skewers the social awkwardness, flabby physiques, and condescending attitudes that are the hallmarks of pop-culture obsessives like the Comic Book Guy—an obvious stand-in both for the show's fans (particularly the relentlessly negative commenters on the show's websites and newsgroups) and for the writers themselves. Matt Groening himself has said that one of his all-time favorite lines comes from "Treehouse Of Horror VIII," when Comic Book Guy faces down an approaching nuclear missile with, "Ohhh, I've wasted my life."
Representative quotes: Bart: "They're giving you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? If anything, you owe them!" Comic Book Guy: "Worst. Episode. Ever."
The Simpsons Vs. Constitutional Democracy
Opponent's advantage: Lets citizens control their government, and by extension, their lives.
But The Simpsons… has continually shown how citizens subvert democracy through complacency and scandal. That's personified in "Diamond Joe" Quimby, Springfield's "illiterate, tax-cheating, wife-swapping, pot-smoking spendocrat" mayor, whose constituency embraces his abject corruption.
Representative quote: "When are people going to learn? Democracy doesn't work!" —Homer, after Springfieldians vote to deport illegal immigrants
The Simpsons Vs. The Internet
Opponent's advantage: Revolutionized the way information is shared, connected the world, made it possible to live without ever leaving your house.
But The Simpsons… has repeatedly lampooned how people use the Internet's vast resources for trite, pointless pursuits. Take Homer's first attempt at a website, from season 12's "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes": an excruciating amalgam of screaming mouths, alarm clocks, bells, inchworms, flying toasters, and a dancing Jesus.
Representative quote: "Oh, a dancing Jesus! If there's a better use for the Internet, I haven't found it!" —Homer
The Simpsons Vs. Dreaming
Opponent's advantage: Provides insight into our unexpressed hopes and fears, sparks our creativity, resets the brain for the next busy day.
But The Simpsons… offers colorfully illustrated hallucinations about everything from Winsor McCay-esque slumberlands to European hamlets made entirely of chocolate. Who needs to dream, when Homer will do it for you?Representative quote: Homer dreams up an entire product, asking Apu, "Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?" When Apu says no such product exists, Homer answers, "Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles."
The Simpsons Vs. Everything That Has Ever Aired On TV
Opponent's advantage: Brought the world into people's homes long before the Internet. Gave us the Moon landing, 24-hour news, Cheers.
But The Simpsons… turned a standard, though animated, situation comedy into the definitive chronicle of American life in the late 20th/early 21st centuries. Future historians will have no better research material.
Representative quote: "Television—teacher, mother, secret lover!" —Homer, after a portable TV ends his homicidal rage
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