Like The Ravyns once sang, I was raised on the radio. But I haven't been a regular listener for many years. By missing the radio for so long I feel like I've been missing an important piece of the present, so every month I've been downloading the Top 20 songs from the latest Billboard Hot 100, and grading them, A.V. Club style.
This month, however, things are a little different. Of the Top 20 songs listed in Billboard's Hot 100 for December 1, 14 have already been covered in this column, many of them more than once. (Yep, Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" is still up there.) So, in the interest of my sanity and yours, I'm reviewing the 20 most popular songs in a different genre: country. (I'll check back with the pop chart next month.)
1. Carrie Underwood, "So Small"
You can take the girl out of American Idol but you can't take American Idol out of the girl. At the 2:30 mark of "So Small" Underwood shouts down her inner Simon Cowell with a scream-y vocal flourish, and doesn't stop belting until the song mercifully ends one minute later. It's too bad, because before then Underwood's relatively graceful delivery almost makes up for the mawkish "a mountain is really a grain of sand" lyrical clichés that sound transcribed from a guidance counselor office poster. (As her nicely understated cover of "I'll Stand By You" showed earlier this year, Underwood is capable of toning down the mall-ballad dramatics.) The world knows Carrie Underwood can sing; now she needs to do it a little less. Grade: C
2. Kenny Chesney, "Don't Blink"
"Don't Blink" is supposed to be about savoring each day, but instead makes you want to savor a bottle of sleeping pills with a vodka chaser. Chesney sees a 102-year-old man on the evening news, talking about the secret to life: "Don't blink," the old codger says. Also, don't nap—you take one at 6, and you wake up at 25 married to your high school sweetheart. Close your eyes again, "and your better half of 50 years is there in bed, and you're praying God takes you instead." What the hell happened to you, Kenny Chesney? Mr. "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problems" is now Mr. "No Shoes, No Shirt, Because Life Is About Loss And It's Over Before You Know It, So What's The Point?" "Don't Blink" ultimately is so overwrought that it devolves into camp; if Chesney really wants people to appreciate life, prior hits like "Beer In Mexico" and "Flip Flop Summer" are more persuasive. Grade: C-
3. Garth Brooks, "More Than A Memory"
Every year Garth Brooks comes out of his gold-plated underground lair to deliver a new single to country radio; incredibly, after living on a steady diet of liquefied cash for the past year, his voice still sounds great on "More Than A Memory," one of four new songs on his umpteenth greatest hits collection. Brooks is credited/blamed with turning country music into '80s arena rock, but here he follows the country textbook, talking about appreciating lost love only when he's totally miserable. If you only sing a few songs a year, you might as well do 'em well, and Garth nails this one. Grade: B+
4. Dierks Bentley, "Free And Easy (Down The Road I Go)"
Backed by a jaunty banjo and lightly driving acoustic guitar, Dierks Bentley produces the sunnier flipside of "Don't Blink" with "Free And Easy (Down The Road I Go)." While the line about "the sun shinin' on me like a big spotlight" was better suited for last summer when the single was released, "Free And Easy" is still one of the most carefree and purely enjoyable songs on country radio at the moment, with Bentley applying a likeably light touch to the traditional ramblin' song. Grade: A-
5. George Strait, "How 'Bout Them Cowgirls"
For more than 25 years George Strait has stubbornly hewed to a traditional country sound, and has somehow managed to stay commercially successful in the process. "How 'Bout Them Cowgirls" is no exception; the laidback, gently loping tempo and retro string section is about as un-Big & Rich as you can get. It's not a great song, but it's a typically dependable performance from one of contemporary country's most dependable artists. Grade: B
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